“I love you so much, Natalie” my best friend and now fiancée said.

“I love you too, baby” I said while I kissed him like there was no tomorrow. This crazy-ass man right here, was the reason of my happiness.

“You’re sure you want to have a zombified wedding?” he smirked, running his arm through my shoulders.

You see, after 2 years of being engaged to my best friend, we were finally getting married, we didn’t wanted a traditional wedding, because none of us were traditional people, so I came up with having a zombie, type of thing, wedding.

“Of course, I do!” I said happily “Our wedding, will be so epic, baby”

“Haha, I know” he whispered in my ear “You’ll look so hot in whatever dress you wear”

“How do you even know I’ll wear a dress?” I teased.

“Oh, I know you’ll wear a dress” he said as a matter of fact “You won’t even go skinny dipping…. With me…. In our pool”

Damn! He was right.

I tried to go skinny dipping in our pool, but our neighboors and I, don't share the same 'PRIVACY' meaning.

“Well, I might change for this occasion” I pouted.

“Well as I said before, you’ll look hot in whatever you wear or don’t wear” he smirked “But, please wear one, I don't want to be punching people in our wedding day”

I laughed and said and “I will”

“And you, mister, will be a scary looking tuxedo man” I added.

“Hey!” he protested “I can be sexy in a zombie thing”

“I know” I said “That’s why I’m marrying you, my big chameleon” I pecked his lips.

“I don’t think I say enough how beautiful you’re and how lucky I am for you to be marrying me” he chuckled.

“Nope” I popped the ‘p’ “You don’t”

“Well you’re beautiful” he said kissing me over and over between words “And I’m a lucky bastard”

“Yeah, you’re” I mocked.

“I love you, babe” he said while I laced my fingers in his messy hair and pulled him towards my lips again.

“I love you too, Sullivan”

The four white walls that covered my room reminded me of the hell I was living. I don’t know when everything went wrong, maybe it was when I picked the silver rings instead of the golden ones, or maybe it was when I found my fiancée, my best friend. Dead on our house floor.

And now, now I’m looking at his photos, photos of our life together, memories of how much he loved me but I can’t remember those good times anymore, they seem like a blur covered by the memory of his lifeless body.

It’s been now a week since my brother and our best friends, Jimmy’s best friends, put me in here, I was totally locked in my own world, I barely ate or talked to anyone. So I passed from no talking or eating at my house, to not talking or eating in an institution.

But I was beyond depressed and I didn’t know how to deal with it, so locking everyone out was it.

All I needed was to see him, I needed to tell him that I was sorry, sorry for not stayed home when he asked me to, sorry for not leaving my friends earlier, sorry for not have taken that road on the 34th that would have got me home sooner but didn’t took it because I was scared of the turn.

I was sorry and I never was going to be able to tell him.

The taps on my door let me know my food was here, but like every other day, I wasn’t hungry. I looked over the small and barricaded window on my room. It was raining slowly and in my hands was the letter Brian, my brother, gave me that day, this day a week ago…

“This is for your own good, Natalie” Brian said softly.

I didn’t say anything, after a while silence has become my answer. It has been a month since Jimmy died and I was numb. The reason for my happiness was gone and I was alone.

He sighed “Look, tell me what to do, Nat” he took my almost lifeless hand in his “You think I wanna put you in here?”

Still nothing.

“I know you’re depressed but you aren’t alone in this, you’re not the only one who lost his best friend and you can’t… You can’t just do this!” he said a little more angrier.

“He wasn’t my best friend, Bri” I said, my gaze hanging down.

“Huh?” he sounded shocked.

“He was way much more than my fucking best friend! He was my husband, he is the only thing I’ve ever known” I said “Now, now I’m alone and none of you can’t understand that!” I was hyperventilating “He was my person”

“I know” he said caressing my cheek “But let us help you, Let me help you, you’re my baby sister and it hurts me to see you like this, self-destructing you”
“I don’t want your help” I said jerking away from his hands “So lock me up in here, like you planned to, like if I tried to kill myself”

He sighed .

“I haven’t said that” he muttered.

“Then why are you locking me here?” I said “Tell me why the fuck am I here?, because I don’t wanna mop around in group?”

“Natalie…” Brian said.

“No, no ‘Natalie’ me, Fuck you Brian, I don’t need you or any of the guys so leave me alone”

“I FOUND YOU, NAT, OK?” He yelled, not that I minded “I FUCKING FIND YOU WITH LIKE 100 PILLS ON YOUR HAND!”

I remained silent. It was true; I thought about killing myself, I had the pills, but I just couldn’t do it and then Brian found me in a bad timing.

Next thing I know, I am being locked up here.

He sighed one more time and with that he walked towards the lady behind the desk in the lobby while I was sitting in the chair, looking at my “James” tattoo on my wedding finger.

After a few minutes, Brian returned with a woman in white, a nurse.

“I promise, I will come and visit you every day” he said tucking a loose hair behind my ear.

I was silent once again, that he promised visit me, meant nothing to me. It wasn’t going to make things better.

Only Jimmy could.

When I was walking down the hall, Brian grabbed my arm.

“Here” he muttered looking down at the letter he was handing me.

“What is it?” I spat looking at it “An apology letter? No, thanks” I broke down his grip on my arm.

“Natalie, it’s from Jimmy” he spoke.

I frozed.

A letter from Jimmy?

What kind of sick joke was this?

“It’s the last song Jimmy worked on…” Brian said handing me the piece of paper in my hand “Read it” he said and I looked down to the paper, when I lifted my gaze he was gone.

I was scared of reading it… I didn’t know if I should, but I needed to...

I unfolded the piece of paper and I started reading it.

I looked at the identifying band that rested in my right wrist, my name written in it, my single name… Natalie Haner.

I needed to see Jimmy, and now. The rain was getting stronger, so if I wanted to get out of here, this was when I could.

I called a nurse asking to get out for some fresh air and even though she told me it was raining and the garden was closed, I replied claiming that I just needed to get out from the room.

She smiled softly and opened the door letting me out. I made my way to the main lobby, where there was a T.V and some magazines, a regular lobby.

I started walking towards the stairs which guided into the back door garden, everyone was busy watching the news, gossiping or sleeping so no one noticed when I left the room.

The back door was opened, for my luck, and if I wanted to go unnoticed, I needed some clothes, I was only wearing a white gown with that stupid band and I felt like a crazy person and I’m sure I looked like one. I didn’t like it. So I took some clothes from the closet that was labeled as ‘Work clothes’.

Lucky me

I founded some jeans and a grey t-shirt with some boots to go to. I changed and I walked towards the garden decided to run away.

BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!

The sound of the alarm startled me.

I started running.

Running, like if the devil himself was chasing me.

Even though mother nature wasn’t on my side, it didn’t matter to me, I needed to get out, I needed to be with him

I climbed above the wall and…

Freedom.

That was the feeling, the cold air mixed with the rain water hitting my face gave me.

But I wasn’t safe yet; so I started running again, not looking back. I was thinking that if I did I could turn into stone and regret everything.

Maybe I would, who knows?

When I was far away and I was sure no one was following me, I made my way down to the only place I could, now, find peace.

The cemetery, more specifically...

Jimmy’s grave.

When I arrived, the rain had stopped and I was soaking wet, but I didn’t care. I only care that I was here, with him.

I sat on my knees, on the grass right in front of his grave and I cleaned the gravestone that read “James Owen Sullivan, Beloved Son, Brother and Best Friend…. Jimmy jumped into life and never touched bottom”

And they were right, he never did.

I was crying just by being there, realizing that I would never see his crystal blue eyes again, that he would never kiss me or say to me how much he loved me, realizing he was gone and he was never going to comeback.

“Why did you left me, Jimmy” I cried “Why? We were going to get married, we were sharing our life’s together… why?”

Notes

Another shot.
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