Riley’s P.O.V
“So, Riley, on a scale of 1 to 10, how have you been feeling this past week?” Dr Greene, my therapist asked me. I rubbed my 6 month rounded belly and sighed.
“Why do we do this?” I asked, not taking my eyes off of my stomach and Dr Greene gave me a look, egging me to go on “The scale I mean, really, why? You can’t measure your mood accurately with a number can you?”
“I guess not Riley,” She scribbled something in her book “But really, how have you been feeling? Have you finally come to terms with things?”
Had I come to terms with the fact that I’m pregnant? Yes, I couldn’t be happier, I love my baby more than anything. Had I come to terms with the fact that if it wasn’t for Nikki, Matt wouldn’t know about his child until he came home from tour, yes, Nikki had a way of making me see things, I couldn’t keep a baby a secret forever, not when his father and sister knew about it. But, had I come to terms with the fact that the man who tried to kill me, who was gunned down right behind me, was missing? No way in hell.
“Riley, I think, that because his body was never found again, although he’s dead physically, in your head he is still alive, you don’t think he’s dead,” Dr Greene said in her soft and calming voice that I’d come to depend on over the last few months.
“I know he’s dead he was shot in the fucking head,” I groaned “But I can’t stop the nightmares, Jason, Sally, all of it, I should have done more, I almost died for the love of Johnny Christ,” I sighed and threw my head back over the arm of the chair I was lying on.
“Ah,” She breathed and smiled at me “You need to do something Riley, about Matt and this baby,”
“That’s the plan, Nikki and I are leaving for Vegas in the morning, to see the boys before they do a show there,” I smiled at the thought of seeing the guys again; seeing Nikki happy with Zacky, listening to Jimmy’s funny stories, laughing at him with Johnny and talking all night with Brian like I used to when Matt wasn’t around. Matt… my stomach flipped when I thought about him, my baby’s father, he doesn’t even know, what if he wants nothing to do with us when we get there?
“Well, that’s it for this week, I’ll see you again next Friday, Riley?”
“Of course, thanks Doc, see ya,” I hiked my bag over my shoulder and walked out of her office, down the many white, sterile corridors of the hospital – why I had therapy here was beyond me, it was a trigger in so many ways – and out to my car.
I was driving home when A Little Piece Of Heaven started playing through the radio, I smiled remembering the laughs we all had in the studio when we were recording, Matt and Jimmy screaming random words in the booth, Brian imitating my scream and the marriage jokes from Zacky about Matt and myself during the ceremony part of the song. I sang along all the way back to the apartment I shared with Nikki and I almost managed to finish the song when I pulled into the parking lot, where Nikki was loading up our Volkswagen van. I cut the engine and climbed out to walk – or as Nikki liked to tell me I waddled – over to her.
“Nikki, why are you loading up now? We don’t leave until morning,” I said with a chuckle, my arms folded across the top of my stomach, leaning against the side of the van.
“Because, I don’t want to waste time packing in the morning, we gotta make good time if we want to catch them before they do the show,” She answered from inside where she was packing up snacks, drinks and boxes of whatever else we needed.
“Alright Mrs Vengeance, you do your thing, I’m gonna go change, get me some chocolate and watch TV,” I announced, hitting the palm of my hand against the roof of the van before turning on my heel and walking away into the apartment.
I changed into a pair of sweats that were too long for me so I had to roll the bottom up, fluffy bed socks and a red and white baseball shirt that fit snugly over my belly. I washed off all of my makeup and tied my long hair, which was now died red, into a messy ponytail to keep it out of my face. I walked from my bedroom to the living area downstairs, plopped my round self onto the sofa and turned on the TV.
After about half an hour of watching TLC’s I Didn’t Know I Was Pregnant, Nikki came back inside.
“How the hell can they not know they were pregnant until the baby popped out?” I asked her as she walked into the kitchen area and I heard her laugh at me.
“You didn’t know either,” She chuckled, walking back into the living area, two cans of soda in her hands, she handed one to me when she sat down beside me.
“Yeah, but I was only two months, I would have worked it out before I was in labour, dude,” I told her, opening my soda and taking a long, loud gulp.
“Anyway, how was therapy?” She asked me, eyeing me from over the top of her can, I turned the volume down on the TV so we could talk, and turned to face her, my legs crossed underneath me.
“As good as it can be when you’re talking about being crazy about murderers and rock star ex’s to someone who’s being paid $200 an hour to listen to my crap,” I shrugged, fumbling with the tag on my soda “And as always, I never feel like doing anything afterwards,” I sighed and she lay down and put her head between my knees.
“Do you think if I talked up here the baby could hear me?” She asked casually, gesturing towards my crotch.
“Nikki, I don’t think that’s how it works, so no, remove your head from my lady parts please,” I said, smacking her lightly on the head, causing her to sit up, pout and rub her head. My stomach rumbled loudly and we laughed.
“Baby Shadows is hungry I see,” She said observantly, rubbing my stomach “I can’t believe we still haven’t felt a kick yet,”
“I know, shouldn’t they kick around 6 months?” I asked and she shrugged, smiling at my belly, Nikki loved babies, and she really loved her best friend being pregnant. She was super supportive of everything, she came to my classes with me, doctor’s appointments, everything the daddy was supposed to do, Nikki did it instead and we did really like to have fun in public pretending to be a lesbian couple who used a donor. “I want Chinese food,” I said.
“Come on then momma, let us go and get some!” She exclaimed, standing from the sofa and taking both of my hands to pull me up, both of us groaning loudly at the effort “I’m driving, give me your keys!” She demanded, holding out her hand for them, I grabbed them from the table by the door where I’d left them as I shrugged a hoodie on and threw them at her, laughing at her ninja reaction to the keys as we walked out the door.

Riley and Nikki's van: http://31.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m59fp9fvRh1r1nsuno1_500.jpg