Beep. Beep. Beep.

God, that's annoying.

As my senses returned to me slowly, sound was first, followed by smell. Those two combined told me I was in a hospital. But why? My mouth was dry and all of me was cold except for my hand. That's weird. I tried moving my warm hand but felt something squeeze it, followed by creaking.

"Courtney," a voice whispered. I cleared my throat.

"Am I dead?" I whispered quietly.

A deep chuckle. "No, baby, you're alive. You're okay."

My eyes slowly eased their way open, but went shut again once I realized how bright it was. They adjusted and I looked to where the voice came from.

"I missed you," Brian murmured. I felt like I smiled a little, but I didn't know if he could tell.

"What happened?" He moved his chair closer.

"You passed out," he said, explaining, "your body was starved because you haven't been eating. You're really underweight, sweetie. They're sending us out with strict diet plans."

I nodded weakly and closed my eyes again.

"How do you feel?" he asked me.

"Shitty," I muttered. "So are you gonna act like a dad again?"

He laughed. "Yeah, I'm gonna have to until you're healthy. You brought it on yourself, kid."

I shrugged.

"Courtney, can you look at me for a sec?"

I squinted at him.

"Why did you tell me you were eating? Why didn't you tell me something was wrong?"

"Because," I said, clearing my throat again to gain some volume, "I didn't think anything was wrong. I just wasn't hungry."

"Are you worried about your appearance at all?"

I scoffed. "No, it's not that, Brian."

"Then what is it?" His voice sounded desperate. He was scared.

"I guess..." I thought about it for a minute. "I guess I wanted control over something." I felt embarrassment wash over me. I hated opening up about that shit.

"What don't you have control over?" he asked.

"My head."

He sighed. "I know it's hard, probably a lot harder than I can imagine. But it's not your fault."

"I know that."

He reached up and cupped my cheek in his hand. "I get your reasoning, but there are so many other things you can control that don't affect your health."

"Like what?"

"You said you wanted to write. Then do it. That is all you, all your control. You control everything that happens."

"I tried writing," I said. "It was shit."

"Every writer thinks their writing is shit, Court," he said, somewhat amused. "Matt thinks his songs suck, but most of the ones he hates the most end up becoming number ones."

I looked down. "I guess."

Before he could say anything else, there was a knock at the door and Brian sat back in his chair. A doctor walked in, smiling at me.

"Look who's up," he said kindly. "Courtney, I'm Dr. Shkreli. I'm assuming Brian has brought you up to speed."

I nodded.

"You're all ready to be discharged, but I wanted you to eat something before that happens. Okay?"

"I guess," I murmured.

"We need something light, so we're gonna get you Jello. Do you want a particular flavor?"

I looked at Brian as he was looking at me. I didn't know what I liked.

"She likes orange," he said, turning to the doctor.

"Great! A nurse will bring that right up and I'll be back in about twenty minutes." With that he left and Brian looked back at me.

"I told Matt," he said.

"He doesn't care," I whispered, shutting my eyes again.

"Yes, he does. He's just dealing with a lot right now."

"Like what? Valary's every whim?"

"Kind of."

I looked at him with my eyebrows pulled together. "You know something I don't."

He pursed his lips as a nurse brought in my Jello. Brian thanked her and turned back to me. I didn't move.

"Eat," he ordered.

"Not until you tell me what you know," I countered.

"You can't do that," he said, a hint of anger flashing across his face. "Don't try and threaten me with eating, Courtney. You eating has nothing to do with me whatsoever."

I looked at the Jello, pushing the plate a little to make it jiggle. I touched it with my finger.

"It's cold," I said.

"You like it cold," Brian told me.

"How is it that you know what I like when I don't?"

He smiled slightly. "Because I love you."

I felt myself relax at his words and picked up the spoon, eating a small cube.

"Valary knows how Matt used to feel about you."

And I almost spit it back out. "What?!" I exclaimed, then covered my mouth. I didn't want anyone coming in for this conversation.

"And," Brian went on, "she had quite an interesting choice of words about it. Which makes me wonder what she would say about me if she knew the entire story."

I ate another piece. "So she told him to stay away from me."

"Basically, yeah." He squeezed my free hand. "I'm sorry."

"Why didn't you tell me earlier?" I asked.

"I was hoping he would change before I had to."

I nodded and continued eating in silence. Once I finished I looked at Brian, who looked really happy and proud.

"Thank you," he murmured, taking my hand again.

"So what am I supposed to do about Matt?" I asked, stuck on that subject.

"Ignore him. Eventually he's gonna cave. He should be the one coming back to you."

"Are you still jealous of him?" I asked almost inaudibly.

He looked at the ceiling, thinking, before meeting my gaze again. "Not really. You made your choice and I trust that. I trust you." I smiled as Dr. Shkreli came back in to get Brian to fill out the discharge paperwork. In no time we were out the door.

"You okay?" Brian asked as we walked to a cab. This whole them not having cars thing was annoying as all hell.

"Yeah, just tired," I said as we climbed in. It only took five to seven minutes to get back to the venue and when we did, all the guys were hanging out by the buses.

"Courtney!" Zack exclaimed, running over to hug me.

"Don't kill me, Zack," I laughed.

"I'm back, too," Brian muttered.

"Yay," Johnny said sarcastically to Brian as he hugged me. Matt stayed where he was with a small, sympathetic smile.

"So are you okay?" Zack asked, sipping his beer.

"I guess," I said, running my hand through my hair.

"But she does need rest," Brian said, placing a hand around my shoulder. I stuck my tongue out at him and marched dramatically to the bus, followed by everyone laughing. I went straight to the bathroom and looked at myself in the mirror.

I'm surprised it took this long for anything to happen. Or for anyone to notice, even. I didn't necessarily do it on purpose, but like I told Brian, it was nice to have control over something. But I did look unhealthy; my face was thinner than ever and my eyes lost their warmth, they were just a dull brown now. Like how they were in the hospital. I shook my head and stepped away, unable to look at myself any longer. I started getting undressed as Brian walked in.

"Shower?" he asked, eyeing me with an amused smirk.

"I need one," I said as he turned the water on for me. He sat on the toilet as I waited for it to warm up.

"You realize you're still wearing your bra and underwear, right?" he said.

"Well, aren't you observational." I smirked back as I unclasped my bra and stepped out of my panties, feeling the heat from the water. I stepped in and shut the curtain.

"You're still beautiful," I heard Brian say.

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"I'm making sure you know."

I peeked out at him. "Why didn't you tell me how unhealthy I looked?"

He bit his lip. "Because I tried ignoring it. I thought it was just stress or readjusting. But I thought you were gorgeous every step of the way, even when you were puking." He winked and I rolled my eyes, pulling myself back under the water.

"But can we not do anything stupid for a while?" he asked, amused. "Can't we relax instead of needing healthcare or getting arrested?"

I laughed. "We'd get bored if one of us didn't screw up every now and then."

"Sometimes boring is good," he muttered, sounding tired.

Neither of us said anything else until I turned the water off once I was done. When I opened the curtain, Brian was standing there with my towel opened, so I stepped into it as he wrapped it around me.

He secured it and kept his arms around me, holding me to his chest. "I'm sorry," he whispered against the top of my head.

"For what?" I asked, hugging him back and soaking his shirt in the process. It didn't seem like he cared too much.

"Everything. Literally everything." He pulled back to look me in the eye. "For ever hurting you somehow, whether it was recently or a year ago. And for making things hard for you."

"Stop," I said. "I'm not going to say it's okay, but it doesn't matter anymore. Don't think about it."

He nodded and pecked me on the lips. "I love you."

I smiled. "I know." He kissed my forehead and let me go.

"I'll let you get dressed." He went into our room as I dried off and threw my hair up into a messy bun. When I opened the door to our room, I saw Brian on the phone.

"Who was that?" I asked as he brought it away from his ear.

"Revolver magazine wants to interview me and Matt about the tour," he said. He had a confused look on his face, so I sat down next to him.

"What's so bad about that?"

"Me getting arrested has been all over social media. I guarantee they'll bring it up."

"Does anyone know what that guy said that made you hit him?"

He shrugged. "I don't know, but that's what I'm afraid of." He dropped his phone down next to him and ran his hands through his hair. "Like we've gone so long without issues when it came to our situation, I'm not doing it now after being safe this entire time."

I rested my hand on Brian's leg and gave him a sympathetic smile. I could see in his dark brown eyes that he was scared and angry for letting this happen. He rarely ever even let me know when he was stressed, so it made me glad that he was talking about it with me this time.

"I'm sure it'll be fine," I murmured. "Let Matt know and see what he thinks. And if they do ask why you hit him, you don't have to tell them what he said. You have time to think of something else."

He held my hand in his. "I know. You're right. This is fine, we can handle this."

"Exactly," I said as my smile grew. "After everything we've been through, we can handle anything."

His thumb caressed the back of my hand as he sighed, "It's been a long day, huh?"

"I was asleep for most of it, so I wouldn't know," I said. He opened his arm and I laid down, resting my head on his chest. There wasn't anywhere I could have felt safer.

***

"Are you sure this is a good idea?" Brian asked Matt quietly as we, along with Valary, waited for the guy from Revolver to show up. The guys had decided to go through with the interview since we had all day to do nothing before the next show tomorrow night.

"It'll be fine, Bri," Matt said with a reassuring smile.

It was a little awkward for a number of reasons, mainly because Val was here. I knew she didn't like me and she didn't want Matt around me. Plus, Brian and Matt couldn't voice why they were worried about this because she still had no idea about Brian and me. But there was also the tension floating between Brian and myself because Matt didn't know our relationship was still going on, so we were worried for a bit of a different reason.

Finally we saw a car pull up and a young woman with long blonde hair and tattoos step out. She was exactly the type that would work for Revolver with a band T-shirt and black skinny jeans.

"Hey guys," she exclaimed as Brian and Matt stood up from their seats to shake her hand. "I'm Sheila, it's awesome to be here with you!"

"Likewise," Matt said. "I'm glad we had a day off to do this for you."

"Right?" She giggled. She was way too bubbly. She made her way over to Val and I.

"Valary, Matt's wife," Val said, introducing herself and also shaking Sheila's hand.

"Courtney, Brian's sister," I said, also shaking her hand. I hated introductions. Val and I sat back down as Sheila sat across from the guys. We were off to the side.

"Let's get right into it, shall we?" She pulled out her phone with its recording app all ready along with a notebook that has its pages filled. "So just start off telling me about the tour! How is it going? How are fans receiving this new album?"

"The fans are loving this new album," Matt said as Brian nodded in agreement. "The crowds have been great, and they're accepting Mike just as we'd hoped."

"Will Mike be staying with Avenged after the tour is over?"

"We aren't sure, we haven't gotten that far yet," Matt chuckled. "He's still with Dream Theater so it's hard to say what will happen."

"How is this tour going without The Rev?"

Oh no. My eyes instantly shot to Brian, who just stared at the girl. For a second I thought he was going to freak out.

"It's hard," he said calmly. "Every show we're dedicating performances to him and we're using his voice tracks. He still contributed heavily to this album, but he would be proud of how it turned out."

"What are your favorite songs off this album?"

"I really love 'Save Me'," Matt said. "Jimmy worked hard on that song, it's a bit of an adventure but he considered it his masterpiece."

Sheila looked to Brian. "What about you, Synyster?"

He smiled slightly. "'Fiction' would have been if that son of a bitch didn't fucking bounce. It was difficult to do and I can't listen to it anymore. It turned out to be this wonderful group effort, starting with the Rev laying it all out and then us putting our own influences into it and helping with the writing process. It was a group effort, but it started with him. And back then, I could still..." He took a deep breath and looked down, "...listen to it."

My heart felt like it shattered into a million pieces and I realized I had tears in my own eyes. I saw Val wipe her own and saw that she did, too.

The interview went on to lighter topics and lasted another half hour at least. Matt and Brian went back and forth answering before Sheila turned her body toward Brian, conveying the next question was only for him.

"Synyster, can we talk about what transpired after the Fort Wayne show?"

Brian shrugged nonchalantly. "What about it?"

"You got into a physical altercation with a fan. Why?"

"He was drunk and harassing someone. We don't tolerate that at our concerts."

"And it was you he was harassing, correct?"

Brian cocked his head a little to the side. "Why do you say that?"

"Another fan that was nearby when it happened posted online that he was making sexual comments to you regarding your little sister."

Shit. Shit shit shit.

"What does it matter?" Brian asked somewhat irritated.

Sheila pushed. "Well, it's a big deal if a celebrity hits a fan of theirs-"

"I think this interview is done," Matt said, standing.

"Shads, it's fine," Brian said, narrowing his eyes toward Sheila. "He deserved it, to be quite honest. It's one thing to say that about any girl I know, but it was about my fifteen-year-old sister when he was clearly not too much younger than myself."

Sheila's eyebrows furrowed. "So you hitting him wasn't a defensive act toward his comment regarding your relationship with her?"

"Why would it be?" Brian asked.

"Fans have been interested in your family since Courtney was admitted to a mental institution last year."

Brian licked his lips and grinned maliciously. "You publish this interview, and we will sue you." With that, Brian stood up and walked past me to our bus. I wanted to go after him but I was frozen in place. I heard Matt mutter something to Sheila and she left also, then I felt someone touch my arm. I looked and saw a pair of hazel eyes gazing into mine.

"Are you okay?" Matt asked. I blinked a couple times.

"Is he?" I asked, referring to Brian.

He just shook his head. "I'm sorry."

I sprang up and into our bus, finding Brian sitting on the edge of the bed with his head in his hands.

"Brian," I whispered.

He looked up at me.

I swallowed and could barely muster the courage to speak. "What happens now?"

He bit his lip as a number of emotions showed in his eyes. The most noticeable one was fear as he said, "I don't know."

Notes

Chapter title credit: Avenged Sevenfold
Watch the interview I used here.
A lot of stuff going on in this chapter, let me know what you think or predictions. Or ideas, too, if you have something you want to happen, I could definitely try to make it work. Thanks for reading.