Scream

After I got my phone, it was a pretty boring week. Brian spent most of his time with the band rehearsing and with their manager preparing for the tour, and I hung out at home with my phone and computer. For once, I felt like a normal teenager. Brian was grateful that I had something to do when he couldn't have all of his attention on me, and I was grateful that he couldn't pay attention to me constantly.

That was until the night before we left for the tour.

"Hey," Brian said, knocking on my door. I kept it open to minimize any possible suspicion when it came to my technology usage. Tyler texted me everyday, but I never answered if Brian was around. I knew I would tell him eventually, but now was not the time.

"What's up?" I asked, locking the screen and setting it down. He came in and sat down with a small smirk playing around his lips.

"You don't have anything to do tonight, right?"

"Never," I chuckled. "Did you want me to come to the studio with you?"

"The opposite. The tour starts tomorrow, and I know things are gonna be hectic. I was hoping we could spend tonight together. No band talk, no tour talk, just us."

"Okay," I said slowly. What was he getting at? "What did you have in mind?"

The smirk grew as he looked at my pajamas that I still had on. "Get dressed and you'll see. Something nice."

My eyebrows furrowed in confusion. "How nice is nice?"

"Not jeans, you decide from there."

I stared at him for a few seconds until I saw his grin begin to falter.

"Okay, I can do that," I said, walking over to my closet.

"Come down whenever you're ready then," he said, sounding kind of excited. It was cute, honestly. He'd been so tired lately, it was nice to see him more lively.

I went through my clothes until I finally settled on a plain black skater dress with quarter length sleeves. I pulled out an old pair of black heels, but after standing in them (and almost falling over) I chose to wear some sandals. Lined my eyes with black eyeliner and mascara and I was good to go. I slung my purse over my shoulder, burying my phone at the bottom.

I walked down the stairs and stopped halfway down when I saw Brian. He looked amazing. He had on a black button up with a sport jacket, nice black jeans, and his sunglasses. He was leaning against the table on his phone. I cleared my throat and he looked up, startled.

"Holy shit," he breathed, shoving his phone in his pocket and putting his glasses on top of his head. "You look gorgeous, baby."

"So do you," I said, walking over to him. He slid his arms around my waist. "You said no jeans, though."

"But these don't have rips in them like all my other pairs, so it's okay," he explained with a smile.

"Whatever," I said, "so what is the occasion, really?"

"It's a surprise." He leaned down and kissed me and I would have lost my balance if he wasn't holding me up. Spending the last week apart affected me more than I wanted to admit. He broke away and took my hand. "Let's go."

He led me out to the car, opening the door for me and shutting it once I was in. We started driving once he was in and had his glasses back on and he still had that goofy grin.

"Brian, can you please tell me?" I asked after driving for about ten minutes.

"You'll see!" Another five minutes passed before he pulled into the parking lot of a restaurant of some kind. I'd never been here or heard of it.

"So we're on a date," I concluded when he put the car in park.

"Precisely," he said, waiting for my reaction. I couldn't help but smile wide; I'd never been on a date before, so this was really neat.

He got out and opened my door before I could beat him to it, and he helped me out. He kept my hand in his as we walked in.

"Makeup makes you look at least five years older, which helps a lot in our case," he murmured. I bit my lip to hold back my laugh as we were greeted by a host.

"Table for Brian Haner," Brian said to him. The guy looked at the podium we stood at and nodded.

"Right this way, Mr. Haner," he said, leading us to a far corner of the restaurant. It seemed fairly disconnected from the rest of the place. Brian pulled my chair out for me and then sat down himself. We ordered our drinks and he put his sunglasses in his inside jacket pocket, waiting expectantly once the host walked away.

"So?" he asked. I looked around.

"You needed a reservation, how expensive is this place?" I asked.

"That doesn't matter," he said. "I wanted tonight to be special."

"And why is that?"

"Because you deserve it."

I looked down to try and hide the heat rising in my cheeks. Luckily, someone with our drinks came.

"Hello, my name is Linda and I'll be your server today," she said, setting our drinks down. She looked at Brian a tad longer than I would've liked. "Are we ready to order yet?"

"Not at all," Brian said, taking his stare from me and looking at the menu, "but we will figure it out."

"Great," she said, glancing at me. "I'll be back in a few, then." She walked away slowly, looking back over her shoulder at him.

"Someone likes you," I said, looking at my own menu. It took him a few seconds to realize who I was talking about.

"Eh, who cares," he said nonchalantly. "I'm probably getting steak. Do you have any idea?"

"Not steak," I said, smiling. "Tortellini looks good, and I'll probably have enough left over to take home and eat tomorrow." I put my menu down. "So where's Matt tonight?"

Brian sighed, setting his down, also. "He is... with Valary."

"So it is serious."

"You're gonna be upset."

"Why?..."

He crossed his arms over his chest. "She's coming on tour with us."

"That's fine, I guess," I said, feeling a little bummed. Matt always had trouble dividing his attention when he had a girlfriend. Valary was nice, don't get me wrong, but he didn't act right.

"But that means we'll have more time, you know?" There it was.

"Brian, I'm still..."

"Still what?"

"Are we ready to order?" Linda had the best timing, I think I liked her after all. We didn't even hear her walk over, but she saved my ass for at least a minute. We told her what we wanted, her eyes still staying on Brian a little too long. Once she walked away, I was fucked all over again.

"Still what, Courtney?" Brian asked quietly.

"Things are weird," I said, unsure of how else to say it.

"Are you reconsidering?" I looked down and played with the hem of my dress.

"No."

"Then what is it?" He didn't press after I was quiet for a little bit.

"It's hard," I said finally, looking at him. He had a very compassionate expression, and he waited for me to go on so he could understand. I looked around again making sure no one was in earshot. "I went through a year of therapy to fix myself and it's just hard to come back to this."

"If you don't want to, we don't have to," he murmured.

"I do want it, Brian. It's like conditioning; I was made to think what we were was wrong, so now that things are going back to that, everything feels wrong."

"But are you happy?" That was such a loaded question.

"As happy as I can be, I guess," I said, smiling sadly. "I don't really know what happy is anymore."

He sat back and thought about that, keeping his eyes on me the entire time. "I want to show you what that is. I want you happy and safe. That's all I want."

I took a slow, deep breath. "What if you can't?"

"I don't care," he said instantly. We sat in silence for a while, neither of us sure what to say. Linda brought us our food fairly quickly and asked Brian if we needed anything else. He kept his eyes on me as he told her we were okay. She walked away defeated and I chuckled.

"Liked that?" Brian asked, amused. He started cutting his steak.

"Makes me feel a little better, I suppose," I said, beginning to eat, also. "I know you said no tour talk, but we haven't talked about it at all."

"What is there to talk about?"

"There are so many of us going, how are we travelling?"

"Well," he started. "We each have our own buses, especially if we're all bringing someone else."

"Is Matt okay with that?"

He shrugged. "When we discussed it, he seemed like he was down for it. He trusts us, Court."

"Doesn't that bother you? We're lying to him."

"He just doesn't get it, you know that."

I didn't say anything as I continued eating. This would end up being an argument that neither of us would win.

"I wouldn't have given you the computer if I knew you'd be in your room all the time," he said, finishing up.

"What else would I be doing?" I asked, putting my fork down and deciding I'd save the rest for tomorrow.

"I don't know, I've just missed you," he said, reaching across the table and taking my hand. "I'm sorry I've been distracted lately."

"It's fine, Brian, I get it. It's your band, they're almost as important to me as they are to you."

"But you're more important," he said, "and I don't want you to ever forget that."

"I won't," I said, squeezing his hand. He smiled.

"I want to make sure you don't." He reached into his pocket with his other hand and laid a small, black box on the table in front of me. It wasn't the special velvet one that everyone knows what's in it, but I still covered my mouth with both of my hands and looked at him.

"Brian," I said with tears in my eyes. "What-"

"Open it," he whispered.

I picked up the box and just stared at him.

"Open it before I open it for you!" he said, smiling. So I did.

It was simple, but it was perfect. It was a silver ring with the infinity sign, and it had diamonds through the one side of the symbol. The inside had "forever" engraved into it.

"Why?" I asked quietly, looking back at him.

"Because I love you," he said. "I always will, no matter what happens. I don't want you to ever forget it or doubt it. You are my world, you always have been. Even if things don't work out, I will love you for the rest of my life until the day I die. I could be on my deathbed and all I'll see is you."

Blinking tears away, I took the ring out of the box and slipped it on my right middle finger. It fit perfectly.

"It's perfect," I said, moving my hand and watching it glisten with the light.

Linda came back with a box and the check, which Brian did not let me see. We paid on our way out and went home, hand in hand the whole way. It was a comfortable silence.

We got into the house and saw Matt still wasn't back from wherever he was with Val. Brian brought me to him and hugged me tighter than he has since he picked me up from the hospital.

"Brian?" He backed away to look at me, worried.

"What's wrong, baby?"

"Nothing," I said, "but you said I'm in charge, right?" He nodded. "And whatever I do, you won't question it?"

"Whatever you want, babe," he said. I pulled him down and kissed him, wrapping my arms around his neck. He held my body to his as we stayed there, ignoring the rest of the world. Eventually I cut away and took his hand, backing up to the stairs.

"Courtney-" he started but I cut him off.

"No questions, you promised." He just nodded as we went up to his room and I started unbuttoning his shirt. He kissed my neck as his hands drifted down to my thighs and lifted my dress up. I pulled it off over my head as he tore his jacket and shirt off and undid his belt. He looked me over slowly and shook his head.

"How did I get so lucky?" he asked, running his hands up from my legs to my chest. I kissed him again and tried unbuttoning his jeans but he took over, slipping them off. I backed up into the bed and he followed. He unclasped my bra and slipped the straps over my shoulders and let it drop to the floor.

"Do you have a-"

"Of course," he said, opening the nightstand drawer. He turned around to take his boxers off and put the condom on, so I slipped my panties off and tossed them in front of him. He spun around instantly, grabbing me by the waist and pushing me down on the bed. It was nothing like it used to be, and I loved it. This was how it could have been the whole time.

He positioned himself on top of me with my legs on either side of him and he moved the hair from my face.

"I know you said no questions," he whispered, "but I just want to make sure you're okay."

I smiled and nodded, wrapping my arms back around his neck. He kissed a trail from my neck to my chest as his hand went between my legs. I tensed without meaning to and he stopped.

"Courtney," he said almost like a warning.

"I'm fine," I said. "Just not used to it."

"Tell me if you want to stop," he murmured before kissing me and running his fingers over my clit. My body jerked and he slipped his fingers inside me. I gasped lightly as he moved his hand in a circular motion. He took them out and I felt him place his tip at my opening.

"I love you," he whispered.

"I love you, too, Brian," I replied quietly.

He pushed himself in slowly and I clawed his skin at the pressure I hadn't felt in over a year. He groaned as he began thrusting, gradually picking up speed. He ran his hand up and down my body, letting it rest at my clit again. He rubbed in a circular motion and my back arched.

"I'm not coming without you," he said in my ear as both his hand and him picked up speed. I was close, he knew that.

"Holy shit, Brian," I said, feeling myself clench around him.

"Come for me, baby," he said. "Scream for me, baby."

"Brian," I moaned.

"Louder," he said. His thrusts started getting uneven, he was getting close, too. His working hand got faster as the other one pinned my hands above my head. That did it.

"Oh my god, Brian," I cried. His hand continued as his thrusts got faster.

"Fuck," he moaned, beginning his climax as mine ended. My breath hitched every time he pushed until they became uneven and he slowed to a stop, resting his head on my shoulder.

"I love you so much," he said.

"I bet," I said sarcastically with a smile. He looked at me with narrow eyes.

"Rude." He kissed me before pulling out and getting up to take the condom off. I picked up one of his T-shirts from the floor and pulled it on in time for him to turn around. "That would be mine, missy."

"It looks better on me," I said, picking up my underwear and pulling those on. He put his boxers on before walking over and sitting next to me.

"I'm serious, though," he said. "I love you so much."

"I figured." I waved my left hand in front of his face. He smiled.

"What do you say you sleep with me tonight?"

"What about Matt?"

"He's staying at Val's, he texted me before dinner and told me."

"Okay," I said, feeling oddly giddy and excited to spend the night with him again after so long. I picked up all my clothes, taking them to my room with my purse. I left my phone in there and went back to Brian's room where he was laying down in bed already, leaving room for me.

Notes

Chapter title credit: Bring Me The Horizon "Deathbeds"
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