Ghostly Alive
Haunting
I was an outsider in this once close knit family. I was the one family member who was awkward and weird. I wasn't in the family in literal terms, but by all technicality, I was. I think they all had a hard time accepting me back. Hell, they all thought I was dead. I can see where they're coming from, but it hurts. The pain in my chest, from being so distanced from them, is unbearable and terrifying. The worst part is, I don't know how to fix it.
Jimmy tries, he tries so hard to help me back in to normal living circumstances, but he's the only one that knows. I haven't told the other guys, I think I'd feel even more outsider-ish. I love Jimmy, even if he can't fully comprehend the pain I'm going through, he's trying and not succeeding. I wonder if he'll just give up on me. I wonder if they all will.
Then there's Brian, who is happy as could be with his new girlfriend, Michelle. She hates me, I can tell. The way she glares at me and the way her mouth twists into this god-awful smile, like she's saying 'I have him and you don't'. That hurts just as bad, too. He hasn't said a word to me. Just stared at me, like he's trying to understand that I'm really alive and not just a ghost, though, I probably look like one.
“Wintyr, can you come here for a sec, I want to talk to you,” I hear Matt say, as I walk past his study. I slowly shuffle in, my head hung low, like I'm in trouble. He gazes at me, questioningly. “Sit.” It's a command, not a question. I hesitantly sit on one of his soft, comfy chairs. A glimpse of a smile, crosses my face. Matt doesn't catch it.
“We've missed you,” He starts, I glance up at him. “No, let me rephrase,” He clears his throat and stares directly into my eyes. “ I missed you, Wintyr. And it wasn't just a normal, 'I miss you', type of thing. My heart ached for you, to be safe and near me again. I missed your smile and your laughter. I missed your dedication and determination. I missed how you kept the family together and not like...” He didn't need to continue, I understood how the family became when they thought I was dead, when they had to bury an empty casket.
I stared at Matt, my heart lurching to help and comfort him. What did this mean? Why was the man, who was usually so closed up and cold, letting me inside to see how vulnerable he really was? Had the 'death' of me, really effected him so much? I watched him for a few moments, trying to comprehend the heaviness of what he told me and trying as hard as I could to understand what it really meant.
“Wintyr, please, say something,” He begged softly. The emotion in his eyes, reminding me of a little kid that had been abused. I took in a deep breath and slowly let it out.
“Wha- What does that mean? What are you trying to say?” I asked softly, my heart lurched forward when his face fell and his hard exterior came to the front. No, this is what I wanted. No, Matt, please come back to me!
“We just missed you, that's all. Nothing more. Welcome home, Wintyr.” His tone said it all. What I had just witnessed was gone and probably wouldn't resurface. My heart gave a dull thump, reminding me of how stupid I was. I slowly stood up, wobbled a bit, then gave him the best 'real' smile I could manage, as my eyes began to water.
“Thanks, Shadows.” I spoke in that hoarse voice, people get when they're holding back unshed tears. I saw the glimpse of guilt in his face, but I quickly turned and left his study. I walked to my room, and lay on my bed. It felt like ages since I've laid on a bed, without someone... accompanying... me. I shuddered at the memory.
I was ushered into a large and as far as I could tell, vacant, room. I felt like I was being watched though, by people I couldn't see and realized it was probably a true feeling. A cold and monotonous voice above me told me to turn, slowly. I did, so my apparent invisible viewers could see every bit of my unclothes body.
By this time in the journey, I had lots of scars on my body from various abusers who liked to use whips and some of them, knives. To some buyers, they liked the scars, it showed I was a fighter and had life. Some other buyers, didn't want a girl who fought them, they wanted obedient dogs. I had already made an oath to myself that I would not let someone break me.
The voice above again spoke, telling me to stand still. I did as I was told. I stood in that cold room for a long time, staring at the wooden and dirty floor. I imagined the bidding was taking place, but I couldn't hear.
“Sameal Reath is the new owner of Wintyr.” The voice said. It caught my attention, and I stood rigid. Sameal Reath...
I woke up in a cold sweat and I was panting. Just his name, brings me into a terror. I know, for a face, he'll haunt me the rest of my life. I slowly got off my bed and walked into the bathroom. I washed my face, then slowly took of the necklace around my neck. I took in a deep breath and slowly lifted my hair away from my face and stared at the gruesome scar that was burnt into my neck. A fresh set of tears, burned their way down my face as I let chest breaking sobs out as memories pushed their way to the front on my mind to haunt me.
Jimmy tries, he tries so hard to help me back in to normal living circumstances, but he's the only one that knows. I haven't told the other guys, I think I'd feel even more outsider-ish. I love Jimmy, even if he can't fully comprehend the pain I'm going through, he's trying and not succeeding. I wonder if he'll just give up on me. I wonder if they all will.
Then there's Brian, who is happy as could be with his new girlfriend, Michelle. She hates me, I can tell. The way she glares at me and the way her mouth twists into this god-awful smile, like she's saying 'I have him and you don't'. That hurts just as bad, too. He hasn't said a word to me. Just stared at me, like he's trying to understand that I'm really alive and not just a ghost, though, I probably look like one.
“Wintyr, can you come here for a sec, I want to talk to you,” I hear Matt say, as I walk past his study. I slowly shuffle in, my head hung low, like I'm in trouble. He gazes at me, questioningly. “Sit.” It's a command, not a question. I hesitantly sit on one of his soft, comfy chairs. A glimpse of a smile, crosses my face. Matt doesn't catch it.
“We've missed you,” He starts, I glance up at him. “No, let me rephrase,” He clears his throat and stares directly into my eyes. “ I missed you, Wintyr. And it wasn't just a normal, 'I miss you', type of thing. My heart ached for you, to be safe and near me again. I missed your smile and your laughter. I missed your dedication and determination. I missed how you kept the family together and not like...” He didn't need to continue, I understood how the family became when they thought I was dead, when they had to bury an empty casket.
I stared at Matt, my heart lurching to help and comfort him. What did this mean? Why was the man, who was usually so closed up and cold, letting me inside to see how vulnerable he really was? Had the 'death' of me, really effected him so much? I watched him for a few moments, trying to comprehend the heaviness of what he told me and trying as hard as I could to understand what it really meant.
“Wintyr, please, say something,” He begged softly. The emotion in his eyes, reminding me of a little kid that had been abused. I took in a deep breath and slowly let it out.
“Wha- What does that mean? What are you trying to say?” I asked softly, my heart lurched forward when his face fell and his hard exterior came to the front. No, this is what I wanted. No, Matt, please come back to me!
“We just missed you, that's all. Nothing more. Welcome home, Wintyr.” His tone said it all. What I had just witnessed was gone and probably wouldn't resurface. My heart gave a dull thump, reminding me of how stupid I was. I slowly stood up, wobbled a bit, then gave him the best 'real' smile I could manage, as my eyes began to water.
“Thanks, Shadows.” I spoke in that hoarse voice, people get when they're holding back unshed tears. I saw the glimpse of guilt in his face, but I quickly turned and left his study. I walked to my room, and lay on my bed. It felt like ages since I've laid on a bed, without someone... accompanying... me. I shuddered at the memory.
I was ushered into a large and as far as I could tell, vacant, room. I felt like I was being watched though, by people I couldn't see and realized it was probably a true feeling. A cold and monotonous voice above me told me to turn, slowly. I did, so my apparent invisible viewers could see every bit of my unclothes body.
By this time in the journey, I had lots of scars on my body from various abusers who liked to use whips and some of them, knives. To some buyers, they liked the scars, it showed I was a fighter and had life. Some other buyers, didn't want a girl who fought them, they wanted obedient dogs. I had already made an oath to myself that I would not let someone break me.
The voice above again spoke, telling me to stand still. I did as I was told. I stood in that cold room for a long time, staring at the wooden and dirty floor. I imagined the bidding was taking place, but I couldn't hear.
“Sameal Reath is the new owner of Wintyr.” The voice said. It caught my attention, and I stood rigid. Sameal Reath...
I woke up in a cold sweat and I was panting. Just his name, brings me into a terror. I know, for a face, he'll haunt me the rest of my life. I slowly got off my bed and walked into the bathroom. I washed my face, then slowly took of the necklace around my neck. I took in a deep breath and slowly lifted my hair away from my face and stared at the gruesome scar that was burnt into my neck. A fresh set of tears, burned their way down my face as I let chest breaking sobs out as memories pushed their way to the front on my mind to haunt me.
11/26/13