I needed to wake up, I could feel my eyelids tugging open, but I didn’t want to leave the comfort of Jimmy’s bed, it was too soft and too damn warm. Jimmy’s arm was wrapped firmly around my waist, I didn’t dare move. Listening to the sound of his faint breathing made my heart flutter.

Was this a perfect dream, or a beautiful nightmare?

I didn’t know the answer, and quite frankly, I didn’t want to, at least not right now.

I lifted my head from the pillow and gently moved Jimmy’s arm, he snorted and I froze. He rolled over onto his side and I let out a breath of relief but my bladder was screaming at me. I quietly got up and walked on my tip-toes to avoid any noise. I made it to the bathroom in time, and sent a quick prayer up to Saint Nicolas for giving me the chance to get away from Kale.

I stood in front of the mirror, looking at my reflection. My short, choppy hair had once been dark brown, but thanks to Kale and his obsession with blonds, my hair had been bleached more times than I can count, leaving my hair a white-ish blond color. My eyes were a deep grey, sometimes the light played a trick on me and they looked a grey-ish blue.

I closed my eyes and gripped the edge of the sink, I remembered my mother, she was so beautiful before drugs ate her up. She had always been a petite woman; I guess that’s where I got my small figure from. But when she became a coke whore to say the least, it just made her beautiful soul ugly. I had gotten my grey colored eyes from her. My father on the other hand, supposedly gave me my brunette hair. My mother always said I should thank him for that, even if I didn’t know him.

I could see my mom now, she always had trouble carrying babies full-term, from what I could remember, she had five miscarriages before I left – all with different men. I saw my brother Riley. Now you know why I have a boys’ name. My mother had a thing for naming her children the opposite gender.

It’s not the TV screen, it’s not my family. I’ll still be damaged if I even grew up perfectly. Riley’s words ran through my head.

Oh brother, oh how right you were I thought, opening my eyes and exhaling.


I bet you’re wondering where Riley is today, don’t ask me. He ran off when I was sixteen. And I haven’t seen or heard from him since, my mom was so damn high, she really didn’t give a shit.

A year later, I met Kale and followed Riley’s path.

I couldn’t stop staring at myself in the mirror; what about me made Jimmy want to love me? Who could love a whore?

So many questions; never enough answers.

I took one last look at my face; I was young, too young to going down the path I had been going down. I needed a tattoo, or a piercing. Something, something to show I was a new woman. Anything really.

I felt a sharp pain in my abdomen, I twisted my face in pain and held my side, and I took a deep breath and exhaled.

It’s nothing Evan, just cramps I told myself, flicking off the light switch and all but running down the hall to get back to Jimmy’s warm bed and comforting arms.