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Abbey's Road

i'm sorry

Abbey's felt like her stomach was being pierced with daggers. It was on her left side, just below her ribs. She knew it was her disease causing this pain. She knew it was her body finally turning against her. She groaned and dug her fingertips into her skin, hoping to alleviate some of the pain, but it was in vain. The pain wasn't going away.

Today Abbey was supposed to be leaving for North Dakota, where she planned on visiting her second-oldest brother Derek. Her late sister and other three brothers remained close to California - where their parents still lived - but Derek had a job that forced him to move periodically, and for that reason Abbey hadn't seen him in years. But with the blinding pain steeming from her side would keep her bedridden for the rest of the day, if not longer. This in itself wasn't good, because Abbey knew Zacky would arriving here in Montana in the next day or so.

Biting back a hiss of pain, Abbey swung her legs over the side of the bed, carefully bringing herself into a sitting position. Her shaking hand went into the bag she kept near the side of her bed, pulling out her phone. While she'd been sleeping, she'd gotten three missed calls. One from Jimmy, one from her mother, and one from Zacky. Abbey knew the one from her mother was nothing extraordinary, so she ignored that one. She also ignored the one from Jimmy, which was bound to be reprimanding. Abbey knew Jimmy didn't approve of her leaving Zacky the way she had. But the one from Zacky peaked her curiousity, and Abbey knew she had to listen to it.

"Abbey baby, why won't you answer your phone? I-I just wanna talk to you…I feel like this is all my fault, and that's why you won't talk to me. Jimmy…Jimmy told me you were pregnant. He-He told me you had an abortion…w-why would you d-do that, Abbey? Why? Did you think I wouldn't be a good dad? That's all I ever wanted, I hope you know that. All I wanted was to marry you and start a fucking family with you, but-but you ruined that. But I know we can fix it. Just…Just come back Abbey, and we'll try again. We can have another baby and we can be happy."

At this point Abbey heard a second, unrecognizable voice in the background, and then Zacky's message cut off. Abbey wished more than anything that she hadn't listened to that message. It had only added to the guilt she felt inside, the guilt that eating her alive. Didn't Zacky she regretted her decision? She didn't want to have an abortion, but in her mind there was no choice. Of course she thought Zacky would be a good father - an amazing father, in fact - but she knew deep down in her heart that neither one of them was ready.

"I can't believe you, Jimmy," Abbey mumbled to herself. "How could you tell him? I trusted you."

Nothing I can do about it now, Abbey thought. It's out there, and nothing can take it back. It was like Abbey's mama always liked to say. A word is the most versatile of weapons. It can encourage, protect, soothe. But it can also destroy, maim, or even kill. And once it's been said - once the secret's been told - nothing anyone does can ever take it back.

♪•♫•♪•♫•♪•♫•♪•♫•♪


Abbey touched Zack's face, and he smiled. He had the face of a man now, Abbey noticed. The voice of a man, too. Abbey remembered that Zacky could once reach the high notes when she made him sing, but now he could barely reach a low alto. His voice was deep and husky now, full of raspy undertones that made Abbey's spine tingle. It was his new manly voice that had tricked Abbey into sleeping with Zacky. She fell for its tricks; it told her to take her clothes off for Zacky, and she did.

Abbey looked deep into Zacky's eyes, held his gaze for an awful long time. "If my Mama knew I was sleeping with you, she'd beat me so hard I wouldn't live to see tomorrow," she whispered to him in her sweet Georgia accent, finally breaking the silence.

Zacky just smiled. He kissed his girlfriend, kissed her so hard Abbey thought he was gonna hiss her lips off of her face. "Your mom can't tell us what to do," he said simply.

Abbey didn't say anything else. It was 'cause Zacky was right. Her and Zacky were in love. Sex wasn't wrong if you was in love, even if you wasn't married like Abbey's mama wanted her to be. She loved Zacky. Zacky loved her. And that's all there was to it. Nothing more.

Just love.


Abbey woke with start in her bed. She was confused for a second when she found herself alone, but she eventually realized she'd been dreaming. Funny how even after a month of being on the road, she still expected to wake up next to Zacky. The dream was still fresh on her mind, and Abbey couldn't help but smile. Remembering the earlier part of her relationship with Zacky always made her smile.

She remembered how long it had taken Zacky to convince her to sleep with him. She'd been scared it would hurt, and it did at first. But even back then, no one could hold a candle to Zacky when it came to the bedroom. He was astounding to Abbey; the way he moved and the way he talked intrigued her, even though their level of experience was the same. Zacky never failed to make her feel like the only girl in the world when they made love, and it was something she seriously regretted having to give up.

Abbey's mama found out about her sleeping with Zacky a few days after their first time. Abbey remembered that day well. Mama had gone up to Abbey's room to tidy things up, and she'd found the tiny little pills Abbey'd been taking so she wouldn't get pregnant. She called Abbey up to her room, showed her them pills, asked her real calmly who she'd been sinning with. Abbey looked down at her hands and told her mama it was Zacky, and her mama just nodded.

Abbey knew even back then that her mama was disappointed with her. She could see it in her eyes. Her daddy was too, after her mama made Abbey tell him. But Abbey loved Zacky. Zacky loved her. And that's all there was to it. Nothing more.

Just love.

"Just love," Abbey whispered. She smiled to herself again, her eyes staring vaguely off into the distance. "I remember when we thought love could fix anything, solve any problem. Don't you, Zacky? Do you remember when we used to lay together late at night and talk about love? How we knew that no matter what happened, we'd always love each other? I kinda doubt you love me anymore Zacky, after the shit I've put you through lately. I wouldn't deserve it if you did. You deserve so much better than me."

Look at you, Abbey, the voice in the back of Abbey's head spat. Talking to someone who isn't here. If you wanna talk to Zacky, why don't you go and find him?

"I can't," Abbey whimpered. She wrapped her arms around her stomach as the pain beneath her ribcage bubbled up again. "Zacky deserves so much better than what I can offer now. I'm not good enough for him anymore."

Abbey wept silently for a few minutes, aching over Zacky, before she managed to collect herself and get to her feet. She was two days behind on her journey; she shouldn't be in North Dakota anymore. She'd seen her brother, spent a nice day with him and her sister-in-law. But she needed to get going. She'd have to skip the next destination on her list and go straight on to the Ozark Mountains in northern Arkansas.

Although by her logic, Zacky shouldn't even be chasing after her anymore because he shouldn't love her anymore.

Abbey went into the bathroom to clean up before she packed and was taken back by her appearance. Her skin had turned pale, and dark circles hung beneath her eyes. Her body was deteriorating faster than she'd fathomed, and this only motivated her even more to get her ass in gear. She figured she only had until the end of the year to make it to her final destination, and it was already the middle of November.

As Abbey prepared to leave her room, bags in hand, she could hear male voices talking in the hall. At first it seemed like nothing, but after a few seconds of listening, Abbey realized she recognized the voices. She slowly opened her door and cautiously peeped her head out into the hallway, and sure enough, the men in the hallway were no strangers to Abbey Ketterling.

Brian and Jimmy were jostling Johnny, who wore a cardboard party hat on his head. With a jolt, Abbe realized it must be his birthday. How old is he? she thought to herself. It's 2009, so that makes him…twenty five. One of her closest friends was a quarter of a century old, and Abbey couldn't even be there to celebrate with him.

"So what do you wanna do for your birthday, Short Shit?" Brian jeered, clapping Johnny on the shoulder. "I saw we get wasted and order you a stripper, Johnny boy!"

Johnny shook his head, chuckling. "Nah, what I want for my birthday is to have Zacky stop bitching and whining about Abbey," the younger man joked. Abbey's eyes widened. Zacky still talked about her? Still thought about her?

"Yeah well I don't think that'll ever happen," Matt grumbled, appearing from around the corner, bags in hand. "All he does is drink, and when he's drunk, all he does is bitch about her. It's getting ridiculous."

"I can't believe he fucking tore apart that hotel room in Montana," Jimmy added, shaking his head. "Do you have any idea how much that shit is gonna cost us?"

"Well I would've done the same thing if I was in his position." Brian shrugged his shoulder, pulling a cigarette out of his pocket. He bummed a light from Johnny and leaned his head against the wall as he took a long drag. "I mean, if I found out Taylor was pregnant and got rid of the baby without even telling me, I'd be pissed."

At this point, the group of men agreed they wanted to relax for awhile before heading out to celebrate Johnny's birthday. The three oldest men sent a grumbling Johnny back to the lobby to fetch Zacky, who according to Brian had been drinking already today. Brian and Jimmy went into their shared room, and Matt went into his, leaving the door open for Johnny. But even when the hallway was clear, Abbey didn't dare leave her room. She knew Zacky was still coming, and she couldn't risk being seen.

Abbey heard Zacky before she saw him. He was slurring and cussing as Johnny dragged him up the hall. "I don't…need any…help!" he shouted as Johnny unlocked his door. "I can…get into my…room…by myself."

"You couldn't even find your own way out of the lobby," Johnny grumbled. He finally succeeded in unlocking Zacky's room and he shoved the drunken man inside. "Now get in there and sober up. We're going later for my birthday."

"Okay!" came Zacky's child-like reply.

Abbey waited a few minutes to be sure Johnny and Zacky were both inside their rooms before she cautiously crept out of her own. She passed Brian, Jimmy, Matt, and Johnny's rooms without so much as a passing glance, but when she came to Zacky's door, her feet seemed to slow of their own accord. She wanted so badly to knock on his door, to let him hold her and kiss her, so she could pretend everything was okay.

Abbey even raised her hand to knock, but stopped herself just in time. She had to keep reminding herself that this was what was best for Zacky in the long-run. She sighed deeply and let her gray eyes fall to her feet. "I love you, Zacky," she whispered. "And I'm sorry." Adjusting her bag on her shoulder, Abbey painfully tore herself away from the door and her love, hoping she'd make it to the train station in time to catch her train to Mountain View.

Notes

Comments

This is amazing so far. I wanna see an update! Please?!?
I would really like if you updated this! This paints out to be such a great story!
Nia_Flores Nia_Flores
3/14/13