Seize The Day
CH.23 - Beginning To The End.
Arianna's POV
The night after Brian kissed me, we all went to our respective houses cause of exhaustion. Though mentally and physically drained and still jetlagging, i was unable to get any sleep. While i was wide awake, i thought about the kiss. Yes, i missed it. Yes, i love him and yes, i want to get back with him. But i can't. My brain is telling me to do things that won't hurt me while my heart is telling me to go for it again. While debating back and forth, i also made a conclusion about this, I am afraid. Afraid of getting hurt again. I need to end this before it kills me.
The next morning I woke up to someone singing and i can tell that they are doing their band practice in our basement. Zacky thought it would be a great idea to also have studio in our house so they don't always have to go somewhere farther for it.
I dressed up and walked over to Chris's room and was about to wake him up when someone dragged me into the bathroom and shut the door. Brian.
"Fuck do you want?" I asked.
"You. Simple."
"Dude, you got a girlfriend and how many times do i have to tell you that this thing between me and you," i said pointing fingers between him and i, "is over."
"No it's not. We can make it happen. I'm sure."
"What part of over do you not understand? The o or the v or the e or r?" (I know its hard to read)
"Arianna, why don't you give me a chance?"
At this point, i just wanted to leave the bathroom. I tried. I did but Brian caught me by the waist before i get to the doorknob.
I remained in silence before he continued.
"Even you don't know why, so why can't i have a chance? I love you and the love is not going to change."
I covered my ears, not wanting to hear any more of this bullshit confrontation and began to turn away.
"Stop it, stop it. STOP." He looked at me, wide-eyed. I guess that's cause i rarely scream unless i am really angry. I also know for fact that since there are heavy amount of noise in our house right now, the band downstairs will hear nothing about it.
I wanted so desperately to dash out that door right now and i was inches away from it when he caught me again. I have no choice.
I slapped him. Hard.
He looked at me with a stare that clearly showed pain, not physically but emotional. I can see in his eyes he is hurt by what i just did. I felt so guilty as my eyes began to water up and i ran out the bathroom.
Out the bathroom, the closest room is Chris's. I was about to open the door when it opened by itself.
"What's wrong?"
Chris's POV
I heard the shouting and the bitching and the desperate reconciliation of Brian and Arianna. As a friend who is like a brother to Ari, Brian needs to leave her alone. I can tell by her stares that she, actually both of them still love each other but for some stupid reason, wont go back.
After laying in bed drenched the amount of noises, the band and the lovers. I walked out the door, and that's when a teared-up Arianna ran in my direction.
"What's wrong?" I asked, concerned. Oh shit. I hate it so much when women started crying.
She didn't reply me but from behind her, i can see Brian, who was partly covering his face; i assumed she slapped him, peeked out the bathroom and i knew that something went wrong.
I didn't really know what to do with a crying girl. I seriously don't. Ignoring the look that i will soon be receiving from Brian, i pulled Arianna into my room, shut the door and pulled her into a hug. That's the best i can do.
"Don't cry. It's okay."
"No, it's not," she said, sobbing now. Yikes. "He just need to leave me alone. I am done with this relationship shit. I don't know what to do. Yes, i still love him alright? and he does too. But i ..." She was about to finished when i finish the sentence for her.
"am too afraid of what will happen between us if it went down." I said. She looked up at me shocked yet confused from our embrace. I let go of her.
"How do you know that's why i was about to say?"
"Cause that's exactly how i felt about love. It sucks. Yes it does. But you gotta know, there's only one true love in your life and it's in front of you Ari. You can't let someone replace Brian because I can see," i paused when she was about to object my speech.
"Don't be stupid. I can feel and as well see, I think everyone can, except maybe Jess, that you and Brian are still madly in love with each other but are to stupid to get back together cause of this 'I am afraid' shit. Come on Arianna. You love him. Go for it before it's too late."
She looked at me, i guess she doesn't know what to say and do anymore. She sat on my bed for a moment, speechless before leaving my room.
"Thanks." She muttered.
Brian's POV
She slapped me, real hard.
I don't feel physically pain, i don't. I've been slapped many times by my ex-girlfriends and the guys. But on my emotional side, i felt like my world has just been crumbled and I was the reason why.
I think Arianna made it 100% clear, no. It is. That we are over. She doesn't love me no more. I spend six months waiting for her so i get to speak to her and it reached her breaking point and i reached mine.
After she sprinted into Chris's room, i went downstairs to the basement and said my goodbyes to the guys, since i don't want to be here anymore, and went back home.
I drove home silently. I don't know what to do. I am so hurt right now. Arianna is like the hope in my life for the past six months. Her reappearance was the reason that brought me out of my shit when i was abusing drugs and beer and now the hope it gone. Forever. I guess i can kill myself and booze myself and she wouldn't give a shit about me.
Once i got home, which by now is empty because Jessie is out visiting her relatives and won't be back until tomorrow, i pulled out all the vodkas, whiskeys, whatever alcohol i can get and began drinking them. I also went to a drawer that i kept hidden. When Jimmy and Johnny came to my house to put my shit back together, they asked me for the drugs. The cocaine. I hand them all to him, i really did. Until i realized that i still got some with me that i stuffed somewhere. The rest were destroyed.
I pulled out the package full of white powder and took the straw and sniffed a small amount of it. Within minutes, i felt alive again.
The pain. The heartbreak. Is gone. Replaced by euphoria, pleasure and numbness.
The night after Brian kissed me, we all went to our respective houses cause of exhaustion. Though mentally and physically drained and still jetlagging, i was unable to get any sleep. While i was wide awake, i thought about the kiss. Yes, i missed it. Yes, i love him and yes, i want to get back with him. But i can't. My brain is telling me to do things that won't hurt me while my heart is telling me to go for it again. While debating back and forth, i also made a conclusion about this, I am afraid. Afraid of getting hurt again. I need to end this before it kills me.
The next morning I woke up to someone singing and i can tell that they are doing their band practice in our basement. Zacky thought it would be a great idea to also have studio in our house so they don't always have to go somewhere farther for it.
I dressed up and walked over to Chris's room and was about to wake him up when someone dragged me into the bathroom and shut the door. Brian.
"Fuck do you want?" I asked.
"You. Simple."
"Dude, you got a girlfriend and how many times do i have to tell you that this thing between me and you," i said pointing fingers between him and i, "is over."
"No it's not. We can make it happen. I'm sure."
"What part of over do you not understand? The o or the v or the e or r?" (I know its hard to read)
"Arianna, why don't you give me a chance?"
At this point, i just wanted to leave the bathroom. I tried. I did but Brian caught me by the waist before i get to the doorknob.
I remained in silence before he continued.
"Even you don't know why, so why can't i have a chance? I love you and the love is not going to change."
I covered my ears, not wanting to hear any more of this bullshit confrontation and began to turn away.
"Stop it, stop it. STOP." He looked at me, wide-eyed. I guess that's cause i rarely scream unless i am really angry. I also know for fact that since there are heavy amount of noise in our house right now, the band downstairs will hear nothing about it.
I wanted so desperately to dash out that door right now and i was inches away from it when he caught me again. I have no choice.
I slapped him. Hard.
He looked at me with a stare that clearly showed pain, not physically but emotional. I can see in his eyes he is hurt by what i just did. I felt so guilty as my eyes began to water up and i ran out the bathroom.
Out the bathroom, the closest room is Chris's. I was about to open the door when it opened by itself.
"What's wrong?"
Chris's POV
I heard the shouting and the bitching and the desperate reconciliation of Brian and Arianna. As a friend who is like a brother to Ari, Brian needs to leave her alone. I can tell by her stares that she, actually both of them still love each other but for some stupid reason, wont go back.
After laying in bed drenched the amount of noises, the band and the lovers. I walked out the door, and that's when a teared-up Arianna ran in my direction.
"What's wrong?" I asked, concerned. Oh shit. I hate it so much when women started crying.
She didn't reply me but from behind her, i can see Brian, who was partly covering his face; i assumed she slapped him, peeked out the bathroom and i knew that something went wrong.
I didn't really know what to do with a crying girl. I seriously don't. Ignoring the look that i will soon be receiving from Brian, i pulled Arianna into my room, shut the door and pulled her into a hug. That's the best i can do.
"Don't cry. It's okay."
"No, it's not," she said, sobbing now. Yikes. "He just need to leave me alone. I am done with this relationship shit. I don't know what to do. Yes, i still love him alright? and he does too. But i ..." She was about to finished when i finish the sentence for her.
"am too afraid of what will happen between us if it went down." I said. She looked up at me shocked yet confused from our embrace. I let go of her.
"How do you know that's why i was about to say?"
"Cause that's exactly how i felt about love. It sucks. Yes it does. But you gotta know, there's only one true love in your life and it's in front of you Ari. You can't let someone replace Brian because I can see," i paused when she was about to object my speech.
"Don't be stupid. I can feel and as well see, I think everyone can, except maybe Jess, that you and Brian are still madly in love with each other but are to stupid to get back together cause of this 'I am afraid' shit. Come on Arianna. You love him. Go for it before it's too late."
She looked at me, i guess she doesn't know what to say and do anymore. She sat on my bed for a moment, speechless before leaving my room.
"Thanks." She muttered.
Brian's POV
She slapped me, real hard.
I don't feel physically pain, i don't. I've been slapped many times by my ex-girlfriends and the guys. But on my emotional side, i felt like my world has just been crumbled and I was the reason why.
I think Arianna made it 100% clear, no. It is. That we are over. She doesn't love me no more. I spend six months waiting for her so i get to speak to her and it reached her breaking point and i reached mine.
After she sprinted into Chris's room, i went downstairs to the basement and said my goodbyes to the guys, since i don't want to be here anymore, and went back home.
I drove home silently. I don't know what to do. I am so hurt right now. Arianna is like the hope in my life for the past six months. Her reappearance was the reason that brought me out of my shit when i was abusing drugs and beer and now the hope it gone. Forever. I guess i can kill myself and booze myself and she wouldn't give a shit about me.
Once i got home, which by now is empty because Jessie is out visiting her relatives and won't be back until tomorrow, i pulled out all the vodkas, whiskeys, whatever alcohol i can get and began drinking them. I also went to a drawer that i kept hidden. When Jimmy and Johnny came to my house to put my shit back together, they asked me for the drugs. The cocaine. I hand them all to him, i really did. Until i realized that i still got some with me that i stuffed somewhere. The rest were destroyed.
I pulled out the package full of white powder and took the straw and sniffed a small amount of it. Within minutes, i felt alive again.
The pain. The heartbreak. Is gone. Replaced by euphoria, pleasure and numbness.
Thanks dear! You can read the sequel too :)
9/7/13