I was woken by the front door opening, followed by my mom's voice annoucing that she was home. My eyes shot open, "Fuck!" I yelled under my breath. The sudden movement made Matt wake up suddenly, almost in a jump. I placed my finger over his lips, signalling him to be quiet. He nodded his head slowly, then quietly crawled out of my bed. He found his boxers on the floor, slipping them over his waist. He pulled his jeans on quickly, bucking his belt. My mother's heels clicked against the wooden floor, getting closer to my room with each step. I got out of my bed, slipping on my panties and bra, then taking Matt's shirt to cover up my underwear.

"Thanks for stealing my shirt," Matt chuckled, starting to fit himself in my closet.

"Yeah, yeah." I smiled, giving him a small kiss before closing my closet door.

"I can look at everything now." He yelled through the door. I rolled my eyes. My closet with a 'walk-in' closet. It was a decent size closet, enough for all my clothes, shoes, and obviously a dresser for my intimates.

"Enjoy yourself." I muttered, leaning against the door. I closed my eyes, taking a deep breath. Once I heard the click of the door unhindge, my eyes snapped open. I ran my fingers through my hair, then pushed it back. I sighed, looking at mother who was standing in the doorway with a smile on her red lips.

"How was your day?" She asked, completely oblivious of the candles burning and the fact I was wearing Matt's shirt. It hung loosely on my body, the neck hanging off my shoulder, then down a little past my panties. I pushed my hair back some more, shrugging at her before responding.

"It was fine. School was a little eh, I guess." I nodded, looking down at my painted toes. The navy blue nail polish was chipping off and it looked gross. I knew that was something I had to fix tonight. My hazel orbits scanned back up to my mother, who was still clueless of the atmosphere.

"Are you seeing Matt tonight?" She asked with a little perk in her voice. Her hand moved up to ruffle her curly blonde hair. My heart started beating faster, trying to hide the knowledge that I had, but she didn't.

"Yeah, I'm going over to Brian's for his family's Christmas party. If you want to go, you can. Our whole family is invited." I grinned, hoping the smile would hide the secret.

My mother gave me a small laugh, "Thank for telling me! Your father and I would love to go! He's your best friend. I should know his parents. I just have to get ready!"

I couldn't help but laugh at her, "Mom, what you're wearing is just fine." I smiled at her, gesturing my hand to her outfit. She was wearing a pair of black dress slacks, a gold blouse, and a pair of black high heels. Her hair was curled to perfection, and her makeup was simply just eyeliner and bright red lipstick. My mother was a secretary for the hospital in Huntington. My father was is in the OBGYN branch, or more simply, someone who helps give birth to babies.

My mother shrugged, giving out a small huff. "I guess. I mean, are they having a New Years' Eve party? I'll dress up for that. Just let me change my sweater. Is Matt coming over or meeting us there?" She asked, moving her head to the side. I swallowed once again, nodding my head quickly.

"Yep, he's coming over here before." I sighed. "Now can you please go get ready. I gotta change." I pulled the sides of the shirt, showing the extra large fabric.

"That looks cute on you," My mom smiled, pointing to the closet. "Make sure you tell Matt that I love it. I heard him laughing earlier." She walked out, "Be ready in an hour."

My mouth dropped, "What the fuck..." The closet opened and Matt stumbled out. He was confused as well, but he was wearing one of my sweatshirts.

"How?" He asked, looking over at me.

"I don't know..." I said, looking over at him. My eyebrows shot up, "You look cute, babe." He thanked me, then leaned down to press a kiss to my lips.

"C'mon, let's get you ready." Matt said, going back into the closet. "So, we wanna stick to reds, greens, and whites."

"I think I'm dating a gay guy..." I mumbled to myself, but let out a small laugh.

"Gay, hmm?" He smirked, placing his large hands onto my slender shoulders, pushing gently to the wall. His face was inches from mine. He pressed at kiss onto my lips; one that was heavy and heated. He pushed his hips forward, grinding against me. I moan against his lips. He pulled back with a smirk, "Your boyfriend is gay, huh?"

I shook my head quickly no. "Not at all, mister." He chuckled to himself, then moved away from me. I stayed pressed against the wall. Matt started to search through my hangers for some sign of a red sweater. My hues stayed on him, watching his every move and looking at every detail of him. I smiled contently to myself, watching him take a red sweater that had small sparkles on it. He went to my pants drawer, taking out a pair of white straight-legged jeans.

"Put this on, beautiful." Matt said, handing me the clothes. He smiled, placing a kiss onto my cheek. I nodded, giving him a small smile. I pulled his shirt over my head, handing it to him. I jumped into the jeans, buttoning the button, then slipping on the sweater. I pushed my bangs to the side, fuffling them a bit.

"What do you think?" I asked, looking up at him. His lips curled into a smile and nodded his head.

"Stunning," Matt said, placing a kiss onto my forehead. "I should get a sweater, hm? I'll be here in like ten minutes?"

"I gotta get some makeup on." I laughed, shrugging. I went onto my tip toes, placing a kiss onto his lips.

"You're already beautiful. Don't put on too much, okay? I love you." He returned the kiss, then walked out of the room. My mother said hello to him. I could hear Matt laughed and respond to her, letting her know that he'd be back in a few. I went to the mirror and started to apply my makeup. I squirted out the fountain onto my hand, dabbing the brush onto it. I spread it evenly on my face. I held the liquid eyeliner in my fingers, sliding it over my lid. My lid looked like they were just black. I applied coats of mascara. After curling my lashes, I walked back into my closet. I opened my underwear drawer, taking out my razor. I held it in my fingers, twirling the cool metal.

"Hey, love." Matt said, walking toward me.I jumped, placing the razor into my back pocket. He kissed the top of my head. "Ready?"

I nodded, walking out of the room with him. Flashbacks were happening. My last Christmas with someone was with my ex. The flashbacks of the pain, the sorrow, and the hurt were appearing in my vision. Matt walked in front of me, turning around to stop me. He placed his hands onto my shoulders, stopping me from moving.

"Matt, please move." I said, glancing up at him, then in the other direction.

"Babe, what's wrong?" He asked, looking at me.

I shook my head, "Nothing, why?"

"You don't usually act like this... Are the flashbacks happening again?" Matt looked at me. His gaze was burning, but he was extremely worried.

I nodded my head slowly, closing my eyes.

"You know we don't have to go. We can stay here." His voice was now hoarse, making my heart break.

I shook my head, looking up at him with tears in my eyes. "No, Matt.. I wanna go." I said, wiping my underneath my eyes.

Matt's arms wrapped around me, holding me tightly. He rocked us slowly, shushing me. "It's gonna be okay." I buried my face into his chest until he pulled away. "I promise." I smiled up at him, nodding my head. I believed him. My motovation was starting back up again, so I began to walk to the door.

"What's this?" He asked, making me stop in my tracks. I looked over my shoulder, my eyes starting to water up. His fingers slipped into my back pocket, taking out the razor. His jaw clenched, furrowing his eyebrows together. His expression changed dramatically. My heart sank, turning around to look at him fully. "You'd said you'd stop..." He whispered.

"I-I have.." I replied, in a broken voice. The tears were slowly coming down onto my cheeks.

"Then, why is this with you?" He asked, bringing his eyes up to mine. His gorgeous hazel orbs were starting to get blurry. Shit, he was crying.

"Because... I-I'm so-"

"You lied to me." He said through his teeth.

"I-I guess I did."

"How often do you..." He closed his eyes, making the sea of green disappear. He swallowed, as if the word disgusted him. "Cut yourself?"

"It's not often. Only when I truly think I need to." I said, licking over my lips.

"When was the last time?" Matt asked, his eyes opening. Tears fell from them. I placed a fist over my quivering lip. My own tears were quickly running down my eyes. I could see it happening. He was going to leave me.

"Monday." I managed to blurt out. It was Friday. I moved backwards, placing my hand over my mouth. I hit the wall, then slid down onto the cold, wooden floor. My legs went into my chest and my arms wrapped around them. My face went into my lap, letting the tears run free. Matt stayed silent, but I heard him sniff. An obvious signal that he was crying himself. That only made me cry harder.

Then, footsteps. I heard something drop into a trash can, then the footsteps came closer to me. He slid down the wall, sitting beside me. He wrapped his arms around me, which made me bury my face into his sweater. He rocked us, placing a kiss onto the top of my head.

"I love you, Anabelle." He whispered, sniffing once more. "Don't scared me like that again."

"I'd die without you, Matt. You've saved me from the darkness." I said, controlling my tears.

"Without you, life goes on. But I'm gone, 'cause I'd die without you..." Matt responded. I looked up at him, placing a kiss onto his lips.

"I love you, Matt." I said as he wiped the tears from under my eyes. He placed a kiss onto my nose, smiling softly at me before holding me close against his chest.

Notes

This chapter was inspired by Without You from the musical RENT. The song makes me tear up, always, but I figured it would be perfect for them. :)
I'm sorry it was such a late update. I was cramed. Thanks for stickin' around.