I started breathing really hard and I couldn't catch my breath.

"Holy fuck, how the hell was Andrew in your dream"

Matt just looked at me.

"I-I don't know, who is he?" He asked.

Great. Exactly what I didn't want to talk about I had to now fully explain.

"Andrew, is my cousin" I said slowly looking at my hands, and wrists remembering the scars.

"Okay, so why is that so bad?" Matt looked at me with caring eyes.

A tear rolled down my cheek, I was debating how to tell him the story. As he saw the tear he pulled me into a tight hug.

I pulled away.

"Okay, when I was 16, I was in a car crash with my parents on Christmas Eve. I was the only one who... Who made it out alive."

The tears were streaming now.

"Oh my god" Matt said pulling me into his arms.

"It was really odd, we were coming home from church... And we were driving through an intersection when this jerk came out and hit us on the side."

I looked down pausing and taking a deep breath, trying to gather myself.

"He must've been doing at least 80... Cause he made our car flip. My mom died instantly, and my dad died later on at the hospital that night. The paramedics still don't understand how I survived."

I looked at Matt who now had tears streaming down his cheeks.

"I'm so sorry, sweetheart"

His sympathy was true.

"Yea... I left with a broken wrist and back problems that would stay with me for the rest of my life."

I sighed loudly, wiping the tears off my eyelashes.

"So what does this have to do with.. Andrew?"

"Andrew is my cousin who I never got along with... My parents didn't like him... I didn't like him... When he came to our house he would trash it... Anyways, after my parents death for some reason the media went to him to talk about the accident, since it turned into a hit and run investigation."

I clenched my fists. I hated andrew. I hated him more than anything, but I continued.

"So he basically blamed me for their death. He told the media that I had seen the car coming but I didn't say anything because I didn't care."

Now I was sobbing. Matt pulled me in to a tight hug and wiped the tears off my eyes with his thumbs.

"Then that's when everyone started hating me. My family, people at school. This was a pretty famous investigation in my town... Nothing like this ever happened. The police even fucking interrogated me, thinking I had connections to the son of a bitch that killed my parents."

I sobbed into Matt'a shoulder.

"I'm so sorry, no 16 year old, especially you should ever be blamed for their parents death."

"Yea... It gets worse"

I looked down at the floor and put elbows on my knees and my face in my hands.

"Why?" Matt said.

"Well Andrew sent me death threats, for a year... He still does occasionally... It got bad... They were real... Like stuff like 'im gunna bomb your house' or 'you don't deserve to live you little bitch' I tried to ignore them, but it was hard...."

I paused, having to consume myself once again.

"I never thought I would go through depression at any point in my life... But I did... And it was bad. The one thing I never thought I would do... Which was self harm... I did. One night I couldn't control myself I just started cutting my arms and my thighs..."

Matt pulled me onto his lap.

"I didn't want to... But I just did... The pain didn't feel good... But I felt like I deserved it."

Matt looked at me, with tears in his eyes.

"No one deserves that. No one" his voice trailed off into a whisper.

I cried, ashamed of what I was going to say next, it was the lowest point in my life.

"Matt, I cut myself for 5 months straight, almost everyday. Then... Then I attempted suicide... But I stopped myself... I don't know why though..."

"What?" He was shocked.

"I know... I didn't want to have to tell you this" I gushed.

"No it's okay, shhh" He cooed, trying to soothe my hysterical sobbing.

" but... What happened in your dream... Actually happened to me... Except I didn't die"

"That's so strange."

"We must have some special connection."

He smiled, as he pulled me into a tight hug and we laid down. I buried my face into his chest, as he kissed my forehead.
He consoled me and I drifted off to sleep. I could feel his grip tighten around me ever so often, like he didn't want to let me fall. He didn't want to let me go. I loved it.

I couldn't believe we were one day into our relationship and he already knew all of this about me. Not even what i thought were my closest friends knew this about me. I had no friends though. This relationship was moving alot faster than I had wanted it too... But I had no regrets.