I don’t remember much about the trip here. I remember that I nearly threw up in the car when I heard what you were planning. I remember Brian over to the side of the road and me dry heaving beside the highway. I remember not questioning him when you handed me a bottle of water and I remember him watching me intently as I gulped it down eagerly. It didn’t taste differently, it had the same taste of nothing that water always had, but as we got back into the car and started driving, towards what I assumed was an airport, is when I knew something was off about that water.

My head got heavy and I could hardly keep it from lulling back, my eyes were begging to be closed and my mind was getting hazy. I felt like I was high, higher than I had ever gotten before. I remember him looking over at me with knowing eyes; I remember him taking my limp hand in his strong one and I remember not fighting against him. I vaguely remember the airport, walking straight through the check in and sweeping past security, he thrust a passport into my hand and nudged me when I was supposed to hand it to a woman, she smiled at us brightly as we swept past her, unto a small plane. He made me sit beside the window, blocking the aisle and restricting my motion. He brushed my hair to the side and forced my head unto his shoulder, lulling me to sleep. I don’t remember getting off the plane and the only thing I remember about traveling to our next destination was that it was a bumpy ride, making me nauseous, which made him pull over as I threw up over the side of the car. Our destination was a mystery, what he was planning to do with me, was a mystery.

The next time I woke up, it was dark out, or it seemed to be dark out. My eyes were too heavy to open, behind my closed eyelids everything was black, not the red and orange tint that you see when you’re lying under the sun. I wasn’t awake for long before I was pulled under again. When I could finally open my eyes again, I was surprised at what I saw. A small room with one small window at the top of the wall, indicating that I was underground, there was one small dresser and I was lying on a double bed with scratchy sheets. When I tried to sit up my head spun round and round and I thought for a moment that I was going to throw up. When everything subsided, I slowly spun my legs over the side of the bed and placed my bare feet against the rough hardwood. I carefully pushed myself up off the bed and leaned against the wall for support, walking close to it as I made my way towards the door. I placed my sweaty hand against the cool metal of the doorknob and hesitated, anything could be behind this door, did I really want to find out what it was? With my heart hammering against my rib cage and adrenalin coursing through my veins, I pushed my weight against the heavy door and threw it open, causing it the crash against the wall. The loud bag echoed throughout the hallway that I was standing at the end of. The walls, floor, and ceiling were completely cement, there were no other doors except the one at the top on the staircase that was directly in front of me. I placed one foot in front of the other and willed myself to stay upright until I reached the bottom of the stairs. When I finally got to the door, I was surprised to see that it was unlocked, and with a solid push, it too flew open.

All eyes in the room turned to stare at me and right in the center of the crowd of people was Brain, grinning at me. “Peanut, it’s nice of you t finally get up.” I stared at him with my eyebrows scrunched together as he walked over to me slowly and placed a hand on my waist, which I quickly threw off. He stared at me, his eyes blazing with rage as he bent down to whisper in my ear, “Now Peanut, let’s not make a scene in front of my friends.” When he stood up straight, he placed a gentle kiss on my lips. “Darling, why don’t you go upstairs and get changed, if you stay like this I won’t be able to keep my hands off of you,” he stated loudly so the rest of the room could hear, making them chuckle at his remark. Only then did I realize that I was not wearing what I had left the house in, instead I was wearing a thin tank top and underwear, not even the same underwear I was wearing earlier. “I’ll be right back,” he announced to the room as he took my hand in his and led me up another flight of stairs.

“Where am I?” I asked, panicking, my voice hitting a higher register and my breathing became labored and quick.

“Relax, now go shower and pick out something nice to wear, slut. When you come back down, I expect you to behave, if not, you’ll be severely punished, now you wouldn’t want that, now would you? Oh, and when you come back down, make sure you’re wearing this,” he said as he held up a diamond ring to my face, before opening my hand and placing it inside.

“Why?” I asked him, on the brink of tears.

“Well it would look a little weird if my fiancé wasn’t wearing her engagement ring, wouldn’t it?” he laughed before marching out of the door. I thought I was going to be sick to my stomach as his words sunk in and my vision started to black out, for a second, I had forgotten to breathe. Suddenly, I didn’t want to leave this room, I didn’t want to see those people downstairs, people I didn’t know, people who seemingly knew me, I didn’t want to move from my spot in the middle of the room, I didn’t even want to go shower, no matter how disgusting and dirty I felt. Instead, I wanted to throw up at the thought of even having to be close to this man, the man that kidnapped me again, for the second time. I must have been standing there for quite sometime because he finally decided to come back, looking extremely angry this time. “Do I have to fucking bathe you myself? Are you in- fucking- capable of doing this one simple fucking task?” He yelled at me, storming over towards me, I flinched as he came nearer to me, expecting him to hit me, but instead he brushed past me, knocking my shoulder and storming into the bathroom behind him. I heard him shuffling around, opening cupboards and drawers and turning on the shower. Then stomping out of the bathroom and through a door which I’m assuming lead into a closet. When he came back out, he was holding an arm full of clothing, walking back towards me. He dumped the clothing, including shoes, into my arms and somewhat gently pushed me into the bathroom. “Don’t come down until you’re ready, don’t forget to do something with your hair, it looks like shit,” he told me before walking over to a drawer with a small lock on it. He took a small key out of the pocket of his pants and unlocking it, he reached his hand into it and extracted a pink razor. “I’m trusting you with this, don’t do anything stupid with it, and it better still be in that shower, with all the blades, when we come back up stairs tonight. If you do something, I’ll know, trust me Peanut, I’ll be checking tonight,” he winked at my suggestively before closing the door behind him.

Not seeing a way out of this, I stepped into the shower, feeling the blissfully hot water run down my body. I don’t remember the last time I had showered, I don’t even know how long I had been sleep... The water and heat felt so nice that I didn’t want to leave, but reluctantly, I picked up the bottle of shampoo and worked it into my hair, then I grabbed the body wash and washed everything away, temporarily forgetting the situation at hand and relaxing into the warmth. After some time, I washed out the shampoo, replacing it with conditioner and quickly rinsing it out. I turned off the water and stepped out, reaching for the towel that was just beside me. I dried off and walked over to the mirror, wiping away the steam.

I stared at my reflection, I looked exactly as I remembered, there didn’t seem to e anything different about my appearance. I still had the same red hair, though it fell past my shoulders now; I still had the same fair complexion, my cheeks and nose still sprinkled with freckles; I still had the same green eyes, though I had no clue where my glasses were. Though I looked completely the same, I felt completely different, I felt vulnerable, I felt uncomfortable and nervous, I shuddered at the thought of him “checking” tonight. I felt like I had 5 months ago, like I had in December when I was taken for the first time, but this time I knew that I didn’t have a friend in sight, I new that there was no hope in sight for me.

I swallowed the lump in my throat, blinking back the tears that were welling in my eyes, and moved away from the mirror, drying myself off and slipping on the clothing. I wasn’t surprised to see that he had picked the skimpiest underwear and dress for me, they could hardly be considered clothing. The dress was skin tight, baby pink, and it didn’t even come down to mid- thigh. I couldn’t bend down, I could hardly move without this dress riding up even more. The shoes he had given were very taller, taller than I had ever been ale to walk in. I wobbled on my feet, nearly falling, as I tried to walk through the bathroom and out of the bedroom. I gripped the railing beside the staircase as I slowly and uneasily walked down the stairs, trying not to fall on my face. I stood in the doorway of the living room awkwardly, trying desperately not to get noticed, which of course, failed. When Brian caught my eye, he grinned and quickly alerted everyone of my presence. My cheeks burned crimson as I crossed an arm across my stomach. As everyone stared, I couldn’t help but feel incredibly ridiculous in this outfit.

Brian walked over to me, put his hands on my waist and bent down to kiss me, squeezing tightly until I kissed him back. When he pulled away, he wore a shit eating grin, he bent down and whispered into my ear, “Be polite, act like you want to be here, don’t disobey me, you won’t like what happens if you do.” He then slipped his hand into mine, squeezing it tightly, and lead me around the room, introducing me to the tens upon tens of men and women that crowded the room. The routine was the same for each group we traveled to, he would introduce me, I would smile and give a polite hello, someone would ask about our “engagement”, he would give some elaborate story about how we got engaged, then he would say the date for the wedding, and we would move on to the next group, ready to repeat the whole process. After my part was finished, I stopped listening, tuning his voice out to survey the room and the other parts of the house that I could see. Each new location gave me a different angle of view. I took note of the fat that we were on the ground level, I mentally noted of all the windows that seemed to be lockless and have the ability to open, and also of all the doors I could see. Seven windows and 2 doors (the front and one I could see down a hallway). I tried to remember anything that could help the escape, anything that could be useful later on. Once we had talked to every person, Brian nicely sent everyone home.

When everyone was gone, he bustled around the room and I took this opportunity to try to make my break. I walked around the room, casually, slipping off my shoes in the process and rubbing my feet as if they hurt from the heels. I examined the pictures on the walls, moving around the room, taking the time to look at each, out of the corner of my eye, I saw Brian leave the room and make his way down the hall, at this point I ran across the room to the front door, throwing it open and bolting down the circular drive. I ignored the surprising cold that bit my skin and the sharp jagged edges of the rocks that crunched under my feet. I ran all the way to the bottom, and stopped short when I came to metal gates blocking my escape. I turned my head to the side and saw Brian leaning against the doorway with his arms crossed, not doing anything, just watching me intently. I wrapped my hands across the bars and yanked on them, making them clang together, but not move an inch. When I looked back at Brian, I saw him slowly making his way toward me. I looked down at my feet and placed one at the bottom, hoisting myself up. The metal was freezing cold and incredibly slippery, so I couldn’t climb as fast as I normally could have. I hadn’t made it very far when I heard the crunching of gravel behind me, making me push myself even more. I held on for dear life every time I lost my footing, pulling myself up again; I ignored my freezing extremities, making them bend and grip onto what I wanted, telling myself that no matter how much this hurt now, it would all be worth it when I made it over the top. I was nearly half way up when I felt his hand snake around my waist and yank me back with a primal grunt.

“You fucking bitch!” He screamed, placing my on my frozen feet and spinning me to face him, immediately he raised his hand and back handed me, sending me flying down to the gravel, cutting my knees and hands. He bent down and lifted me back up, shoving me in front of him, “I want you to walk in front of me, you’re not getting away from me that fucking fast,” he growled, pushing me again so I started to walk. I hung my head in shame at my failed attempt and let the tears fall freely, my shoulders shaking slightly as I cried silently. “Oh please, save the fucking tears. You really are just a child, aren’t you?” He spat at me as we finally entered the house. “Get upstairs and changed, go the fuck to bed, I can’t even deal with you right now, so I’ll do it in the morning.”

I shamefully walked up the stairs, like some girl that was just told to leave after a quick fuck. I felt the same amount of shame and sadness that would have been felt at that time. When I finally reached the room, I slammed the door behind me, letting out a roar of anger. I stomped into the closet and through of my dress, throwing it somewhere into the room behind me, not caring where it landed. I walked over to one of two dressers and opened the first drawer, finding nothing but mens' boxers, after slamming that drawer shut, I marched over to the next one and opened the first drawer, finding two columns of neatly placed bras, each in a different colour or pattern. Nude, white, black, pink, green and silver, red and polka dots, pink and cheetah print, and a lot of purple; I slammed that drawer and opened the next, revealing a multitude of underwear, some matching the bras in the previous drawer, many were purple and may were very skimpy, seeming to be nothing more than a piece of cloth and some string. I picked out a pair that looked comfortable and slipped off the thong that had been previously given to me and quickly slipped this pair on. The next drawer revealed exactly what I wanted it to, pajamas; I pulled out a random shirt and a random pair of shorts, throwing them on and slamming this drawer shut. I didn’t bother opening the next two drawers, not wanting to know what was in them, too scared to find out.

I crawled over the bed, before slipping under the blankets. I reveled in the warmth, letting my body relax and warm up before I flipped onto my stomach and covered my entire body with the comforter. After the anger had worn off, depression filled it’s spot, draining the energy from my body, leaving my mind lifeless and my body exhausted.

I curled into a ball and squeezed my eyes shut, begging, wishing and praying to a god that I knew didn’t exist. I wished that I would fall into a restless sleep and that when I opened my eyes in the morning, there wouldn’t be somebody sleeping next to me, that I would be back home in my small single bed. I wished that I would open my eyes and it would be December again, that it would be the next day and that this would all just be a dream. Or at the very least, I wished that I would wake up the next morning and it would be Matt sleeping soundlessly beside me because even that reality would be better than this one.