Quiet Things That No One Ever Knows

The days seemed to mesh together for Zacky. He found himself drifting from place to place, barely feeling or caring about what was happening. He’d become almost apathetic about anything that wasn’t his music. He spent days in Matt’s’ house, holed up in the studio.

“You need to get your ass out of the damn studio,” Johnny said with an annoying whine in his voice.

“Fuck off, Johnny,” Zacky snapped as he put his guitar down. He wasn’t in the mood to go out and drink and he sure as hell didn’t want to go home.

“This isn’t healthy and it isn’t going to help. Either come out with us or go home,” Matt said folding his arms across his chest. If it came to it, he was prepared to drag Zacky out of the studio.

Zacky glared at Matt, knowing he was right. He ran a hand through his hair, not wanting to go out and not wanting to go home either. He opened his mouth, about to make a decision when his phone rang making a decision for him.

“Hey, Gena,” he said quietly, biting his lip.

“You planning on coming home anytime soon?” Gena asked, not bothering to hide her annoyance.

Zacky flinched slightly and sighed. “Yeah. I’m leaving now,” he answered bluntly.

“Come home soon. We need to talk.”

Zacky groaned as he hung up the phone. He hated those words. When someone said they needed to talk it was never a good thing.

“You going home?” Matt asked, a look of concern on his face.

Zacky nodded and rubbed his temples. “Yeah. Apparently ‘we need to talk’,” he said softly.

Matt winced and nodded. “Call me if you need anything, yeah?”

Zacky nodded as he put his guitar down and got his keys. He walked out of the studio and got into his car, dreading the drive home. As he pulled away from the studio, the ache in his heart worsened and he swore to himself, hating the way the lack of Brian’s presence affected him.

The minute Zacky pulled into the driveway the front door was opened and Gena was standing in the doorway, arms folded across her chest. He sighed, knowing she was angry.

“So good of you to come home,” Gena said, almost glaring at him.

“You know it’s not my fault, Gena. We’ve been busy,” Zacky said quietly.

“Bullshit, Zacky. You’re hiding from something. Why haven’t you been home? It’s like I don’t matter. I’m your girlfriend for Christ’s sake!”

Zacky sighed and wrapped his arms around Gena’s waist. “I know, Gena. I’m sorry. I’m being serious. We’ve been crazy busy writing this album and producing it. I promise I’ll be home more often.”

Gena sighed as she pushed Zacky away from her gently. “I have needs, too, Zack. I need you to be here when I’ve had a shitty day. I need you to be here when I need a shoulder to cry on. I need you when I want someone to fuck me senseless. I need you, Zacky, and it’s like you don’t need me at all.”

Zacky’s jaw clenched slightly and he glared at Gena, “That’s not true, Gena. I need you, too. How can I fucking help it if I’m not home to bend to your every fucking whim? I’m sorry. So fucking kill me.”

“No, you don’t need me. I think I’m just here to fill a void, Zacky. I’m here because you can’t have him.”

Zacky flinched and growled quietly, anger racing through his body. “I don’t know what you’re talking about. Who the fuck is he exactly?”

Gena rolled her eyes and stalked toward the kitchen. “Don’t fuck with me, Zack! You want Brian more than anything in the world. I see it when you fucking look at him! God, I wish you would look at me like that!”

Zacky froze and stared at Gena as she walked away. He hadn’t thought he’d been that obvious to anyone but Matt. He ran a hand over his face and walked up behind her, putting his hands on the counter on either side of her, holding her in place. “I’m not replacing him with you, Gena. I love you.”

“Not as much as you love him, Zacky, and I refuse to be your sloppy seconds.”

“So, what are you saying?” Zacky asked quietly, willing Gena to look at him, knowing what was coming.

“I’m saying maybe you need to find somewhere to stay until we work this shit out.”

Zacky sighed as he ran a hand over his face. He closed his eyes, making a mental list of the people he could call that would actually give him a room. “Fine. I need clothes,” he muttered as he walked upstairs.

“Your stuff is already packed,” Gena answered, turning back to the fridge as she bit back tears.

“Oh, joy. Save me the fucking trouble,” Zacky snapped, not entirely sure why he was mad at her. He sighed as he walked upstairs, pulling his phone out of his pocket. He stood outside his room as the phone rang.

“‘Yello?”

“Matt, it’s Zacky. I…I need a place to crash. Gena kicked me out.”

Notes