Pulse
One
The smell of burned rubber permeated the air as the driver took off. She stood there dumbstruck. Had it really been over that fast? She closed her eyes and took a deep calming breath to keep from yelling obscenities. Being stared at was the last thing she needed. Before any real thoughts could settle inside her head she picked up her duffel bag and slung it over her shoulder before continuing to walk down the street.
The neon and blinking lights made her eyes water. Her eyes darted around for any sign of him even though she knew better. Gravel crunched under her black combat boots and she let her raven hair fall over her face as she walked. They had been given three days eviction notice. Today had been the fourth day and reality reared its ugly head. No place to go; however much she had tried to convince herself otherwise she still found herself walking the streets. He wasn’t there for her and had just thrown her out on the streets without any kind of money or comforting words.
From behind her curtain of hair, she spotted a vacancy sign and quickly made her way inside of the building. At least she wouldn’t have to sleep on the streets tonight. As soon as she stepped inside, she put a hand over her mouth to keep from vomiting. The smell in the air was pungent and primarily consisted of the scent of urine combined with a lot of other terrible odors she could not place. She scanned the room and spotted the front desk. She made her way over to it, careful not to step on sleeping bodies along the way. The receptionist set her book down and peered up at her with a concerned look on her face.
“May I help you, miss?”
She forced herself to uncover her mouth and took as shallow of a breath as possible. She simply nodded and held her bag by her side. She was on the verge of collapsing. The exhaustion was more psychological than anything. It still hadn’t hit her fully, but it would soon. She knew that was a certainty. She tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. Hiding behind her curtain of hair was something she had done as of late and it sometimes escaped her that it was polite to show one’s face if speaking to another human being. She shifted her weight on her feet and took a breath.
“I need a place,” she said quietly, surprised that her voice hadn’t hitched in her throat.
Her mouth felt dry and full of cotton and her hands felt clammy. The sweat made her hair stick to her face and what she was wearing was anything but appropriate; a ratty Sex Pistols t-shirt that reached mid-thigh and fishnets with knee high combat boots. It was all that she had left. She knew she must have looked crazy, but somehow she believed in a place like this it was commonplace. She grasped her bag tighter in her hand and swallowed the lump in her throat waiting for the lady’s response. The seconds seemed to go by excruciatingly slow.
The lady leaned forward in her chair and clasped her hands together as she rested her elbows on the desk. The smell didn’t seem to affect her at all. She looked as if she were at home. They must have been paying her a good salary. The receptionist pushed her glasses further up the bridge of her nose and sighed a little. The place was over maximum capacity.
“I’m sorry, sweetheart… We’re full up,” she announced with another weary sigh as she rubbed her temple. “Is there no one you can call?”
The receptionist turned the phone towards the girl and picked up the receiver, handing it to her. It was the least she could do. There was absolutely no room for this girl.
She hid behind her hair again and took the receiver. She held it limply in her hand as she tried to organize her jumbled thoughts inside of her head until her finally thought of a number. It was a long shot, but it was her only shot. Her fingers pressed each number carefully and her heart pounded in her chest as she waited for someone to pick up. She closed her eyes and waited, time almost seemed to come to a standstill. Her breath hitched in her throat as a groggy, raspy voice answered.
“Hello?” she responded, voice barely a whisper.
The voice groaned and mumbled some unintelligible things under its breath. There was no doubt in her mind it couldn’t have been anything pleasant. It was almost four o’ clock in the morning. She bit her lip and took a shallow breath.
“Jimmy? I need you,” she croaked.
Her wiry little frame was now shaking and she wiped at the tears that escaped her eyes. She hated those words. She hated admitting she needed help. It was as if someone else had invaded her body and spoken those words; those three terrible words. She had managed just fine without him. She was still breathing.
On the other line, Jimmy rubbed the sleep out of his eyes and cleared his throat. He had known this phone call would come sooner or later. It was only a matter of time. He leaned his head against the headboard and sighed, rubbing his face. Hearing her voice again was like a half-curse. She always spelled trouble. Even though she may have never intentionally caused it, trouble always surrounded her. He took a deep breath and untangled himself from the sheets. He slipped on his boots as he still held the phone up to his ear.
“Where are you?” was all that he could manage to come up with.
His tone was flat. It conflicted with every emotion stirring up inside of him. It was a couple of moments before she gave him an exact address and the name of the shelter. He had gone there twice before and for the exact same reason he was going there now. Things never changed. He hung up the phone and slipped on a white tee before grabbing the keys off the night table. He silently made his way out of the front door and slipped in his car. He shoved the key into the ignition and felt the car come to life. He immediately turned off the stereo. This drive needed to be a silent one. He needed to collect his thoughts before he got there.
~.~
She sat in one of the chairs off to the side and tapped her foot nervously. Her hands felt clammier and her palms sweat profusely as she wrung her hands. The receptionist shot her worried looks every now and again which she only ignored. She lost herself in her thoughts and jumped up at the sound of the door opening. She looked up slowly and held her breath as she saw his silhouette. Nothing could have prepared her for that. Here he was yet again.
Jimmy took a couple of steps forward and grabbed her bag and hand as he reached her. Without a word, he pulled her along and headed straight back out. He kept his stony expression as he unlocked the door and helped her into the car. He walked to the back and placed her bag in the trunk before sliding in the driver’s seat and turning the key in the ignition again.
There were a million things he wanted to say to her. So many things he wanted to yell out at the top of his lungs, but he forced himself to stay silent just as he had done so many times before. He wondered why he still came to her rescue every time. He stole glances at her every now and again and found her staring at her lap every time. She had no intention of speaking.
He reached his house again and parked alongside the curb. It had begun to pour only a couple of minutes before. He looked at her and slumped in his seat yet she made no attempt to meet his gaze. It did not surprise him in the slightest. He opened his mouth to speak, but a second later he closed it. He knew he would regret it.
Jimmy slid out of the car again and grabbed her bag from the trunk and a jacket. He opened her door and put the jacket over her head as he ushered her inside. He opened the door and pushed her in gently, his hand at the small of her back. She took a step inside and simply stood there, jacket still over her head. He sighed and placed the bag beside the couch before walking over to her and taking the jacket off, throwing it to the side. He lifted her chin with one of his fingers and made her meet his piercing gaze. As soon as he saw her warm brown eyes all thoughts of yelling or any traces of ‘I told you so’ evaporated from his thoughts. He sighed and leaned down to wrap her in a tight hug, his arms wrapped around her waist firmly and he kissed the top of her head.
As much as she wanted to fight the embrace, her body melted against his and she let the tears flow once again. Being near him always made her break down her walls and this was no exception. She hugged him back with as much force as she could muster, never wanting to let go. All rational thoughts erased from her mind. Her tears stained his shirt as she buried her face in his chest. She did not let sobs escape her.
He closed his eyes and rested his chin on the top of her head as he continued to envelop her tiny frame. This was one of the times where his height became a non-issue. He was just happy to have her there and know that she was safe. He kept his arms around her waist as he placed a small kiss on her cheek.
“I’ve missed you, Em,” he murmured.
She held her breath as she processed what he had said. She knew how to interpret those words and was happy he had found it in himself to repeat them. She was miserable without him. Despite knowing that nothing could flourish between them again like before, he still missed having her nearby. She hugged him tightly and blinked away the last of her tears. She took a deep breath and closed her eyes.
“I’ve missed you, too, Jimmy,” she breathed. “So fuckin’ much.”
He hesitated to ask what was on his mind.
“What happened this time?”
She squeezed her eyes shut and shook her head as she clung to him. He knew not to bring it up again; not until she was ready. He pulled away a bit and kept one arm wrapped around her waist as he started walking to the bedroom.
“It’s okay. You don’t have to tell me now… Let’s just get some rest…”
He kicked off his shoes after having taken off hers and placing her on the bed. As he slipped into bed, he pulled her close to him and closed his eyes. She pressed against him and sighed; her eyelids becoming heavy.
“You were right,” she murmured against his bare chest. “He was no good.”
He only sighed and kissed the top of her head. He didn’t want to be right. He wished he wasn’t right, but here she was. He refused to say it out loud. He was his best friend, after all.
The neon and blinking lights made her eyes water. Her eyes darted around for any sign of him even though she knew better. Gravel crunched under her black combat boots and she let her raven hair fall over her face as she walked. They had been given three days eviction notice. Today had been the fourth day and reality reared its ugly head. No place to go; however much she had tried to convince herself otherwise she still found herself walking the streets. He wasn’t there for her and had just thrown her out on the streets without any kind of money or comforting words.
From behind her curtain of hair, she spotted a vacancy sign and quickly made her way inside of the building. At least she wouldn’t have to sleep on the streets tonight. As soon as she stepped inside, she put a hand over her mouth to keep from vomiting. The smell in the air was pungent and primarily consisted of the scent of urine combined with a lot of other terrible odors she could not place. She scanned the room and spotted the front desk. She made her way over to it, careful not to step on sleeping bodies along the way. The receptionist set her book down and peered up at her with a concerned look on her face.
“May I help you, miss?”
She forced herself to uncover her mouth and took as shallow of a breath as possible. She simply nodded and held her bag by her side. She was on the verge of collapsing. The exhaustion was more psychological than anything. It still hadn’t hit her fully, but it would soon. She knew that was a certainty. She tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. Hiding behind her curtain of hair was something she had done as of late and it sometimes escaped her that it was polite to show one’s face if speaking to another human being. She shifted her weight on her feet and took a breath.
“I need a place,” she said quietly, surprised that her voice hadn’t hitched in her throat.
Her mouth felt dry and full of cotton and her hands felt clammy. The sweat made her hair stick to her face and what she was wearing was anything but appropriate; a ratty Sex Pistols t-shirt that reached mid-thigh and fishnets with knee high combat boots. It was all that she had left. She knew she must have looked crazy, but somehow she believed in a place like this it was commonplace. She grasped her bag tighter in her hand and swallowed the lump in her throat waiting for the lady’s response. The seconds seemed to go by excruciatingly slow.
The lady leaned forward in her chair and clasped her hands together as she rested her elbows on the desk. The smell didn’t seem to affect her at all. She looked as if she were at home. They must have been paying her a good salary. The receptionist pushed her glasses further up the bridge of her nose and sighed a little. The place was over maximum capacity.
“I’m sorry, sweetheart… We’re full up,” she announced with another weary sigh as she rubbed her temple. “Is there no one you can call?”
The receptionist turned the phone towards the girl and picked up the receiver, handing it to her. It was the least she could do. There was absolutely no room for this girl.
She hid behind her hair again and took the receiver. She held it limply in her hand as she tried to organize her jumbled thoughts inside of her head until her finally thought of a number. It was a long shot, but it was her only shot. Her fingers pressed each number carefully and her heart pounded in her chest as she waited for someone to pick up. She closed her eyes and waited, time almost seemed to come to a standstill. Her breath hitched in her throat as a groggy, raspy voice answered.
“Hello?” she responded, voice barely a whisper.
The voice groaned and mumbled some unintelligible things under its breath. There was no doubt in her mind it couldn’t have been anything pleasant. It was almost four o’ clock in the morning. She bit her lip and took a shallow breath.
“Jimmy? I need you,” she croaked.
Her wiry little frame was now shaking and she wiped at the tears that escaped her eyes. She hated those words. She hated admitting she needed help. It was as if someone else had invaded her body and spoken those words; those three terrible words. She had managed just fine without him. She was still breathing.
On the other line, Jimmy rubbed the sleep out of his eyes and cleared his throat. He had known this phone call would come sooner or later. It was only a matter of time. He leaned his head against the headboard and sighed, rubbing his face. Hearing her voice again was like a half-curse. She always spelled trouble. Even though she may have never intentionally caused it, trouble always surrounded her. He took a deep breath and untangled himself from the sheets. He slipped on his boots as he still held the phone up to his ear.
“Where are you?” was all that he could manage to come up with.
His tone was flat. It conflicted with every emotion stirring up inside of him. It was a couple of moments before she gave him an exact address and the name of the shelter. He had gone there twice before and for the exact same reason he was going there now. Things never changed. He hung up the phone and slipped on a white tee before grabbing the keys off the night table. He silently made his way out of the front door and slipped in his car. He shoved the key into the ignition and felt the car come to life. He immediately turned off the stereo. This drive needed to be a silent one. He needed to collect his thoughts before he got there.
~.~
She sat in one of the chairs off to the side and tapped her foot nervously. Her hands felt clammier and her palms sweat profusely as she wrung her hands. The receptionist shot her worried looks every now and again which she only ignored. She lost herself in her thoughts and jumped up at the sound of the door opening. She looked up slowly and held her breath as she saw his silhouette. Nothing could have prepared her for that. Here he was yet again.
Jimmy took a couple of steps forward and grabbed her bag and hand as he reached her. Without a word, he pulled her along and headed straight back out. He kept his stony expression as he unlocked the door and helped her into the car. He walked to the back and placed her bag in the trunk before sliding in the driver’s seat and turning the key in the ignition again.
There were a million things he wanted to say to her. So many things he wanted to yell out at the top of his lungs, but he forced himself to stay silent just as he had done so many times before. He wondered why he still came to her rescue every time. He stole glances at her every now and again and found her staring at her lap every time. She had no intention of speaking.
He reached his house again and parked alongside the curb. It had begun to pour only a couple of minutes before. He looked at her and slumped in his seat yet she made no attempt to meet his gaze. It did not surprise him in the slightest. He opened his mouth to speak, but a second later he closed it. He knew he would regret it.
Jimmy slid out of the car again and grabbed her bag from the trunk and a jacket. He opened her door and put the jacket over her head as he ushered her inside. He opened the door and pushed her in gently, his hand at the small of her back. She took a step inside and simply stood there, jacket still over her head. He sighed and placed the bag beside the couch before walking over to her and taking the jacket off, throwing it to the side. He lifted her chin with one of his fingers and made her meet his piercing gaze. As soon as he saw her warm brown eyes all thoughts of yelling or any traces of ‘I told you so’ evaporated from his thoughts. He sighed and leaned down to wrap her in a tight hug, his arms wrapped around her waist firmly and he kissed the top of her head.
As much as she wanted to fight the embrace, her body melted against his and she let the tears flow once again. Being near him always made her break down her walls and this was no exception. She hugged him back with as much force as she could muster, never wanting to let go. All rational thoughts erased from her mind. Her tears stained his shirt as she buried her face in his chest. She did not let sobs escape her.
He closed his eyes and rested his chin on the top of her head as he continued to envelop her tiny frame. This was one of the times where his height became a non-issue. He was just happy to have her there and know that she was safe. He kept his arms around her waist as he placed a small kiss on her cheek.
“I’ve missed you, Em,” he murmured.
She held her breath as she processed what he had said. She knew how to interpret those words and was happy he had found it in himself to repeat them. She was miserable without him. Despite knowing that nothing could flourish between them again like before, he still missed having her nearby. She hugged him tightly and blinked away the last of her tears. She took a deep breath and closed her eyes.
“I’ve missed you, too, Jimmy,” she breathed. “So fuckin’ much.”
He hesitated to ask what was on his mind.
“What happened this time?”
She squeezed her eyes shut and shook her head as she clung to him. He knew not to bring it up again; not until she was ready. He pulled away a bit and kept one arm wrapped around her waist as he started walking to the bedroom.
“It’s okay. You don’t have to tell me now… Let’s just get some rest…”
He kicked off his shoes after having taken off hers and placing her on the bed. As he slipped into bed, he pulled her close to him and closed his eyes. She pressed against him and sighed; her eyelids becoming heavy.
“You were right,” she murmured against his bare chest. “He was no good.”
He only sighed and kissed the top of her head. He didn’t want to be right. He wished he wasn’t right, but here she was. He refused to say it out loud. He was his best friend, after all.
9/13/13