Swallowing Light

Hanna woke up suddenly, her stomach was churning and she felt sick like she was about to barf all over her newly carpeted floors. The tannish brown carpet wouldn't look very nice with a throw up stain and she didn’t really want to have to muster up the strength to clean up the mess she’d made. Hanna dragged herself out of the bed and quickened her pace to the bathroom – at least this way she wouldn’t have a massive mess to clean up. She gagged a little and threw up, spilling the contents from her dinner the night before into the porcelain bowl. The brunette couldn’t remember the last time she’d been sick like this, probably before college or something; or during when she had her many nights of drinking herself away. Groaning she slid down the cool tile wall – it felt good against her back allowing her to think easier, she must have caught the flu from work seeing as she was nurse it wasn’t too far from possible.

Grabbing her phone she called the head nurse to tell her that she had come down with the flu and she wouldn’t be able to come in, seeing as she was the youngest nurse on staff she was babied a lot so the older woman told her to rest and come back when she was feeling better. The second she hung up she could feel the acid burning in the back of her throat – the telltale sign that she was going to throw up again.

"Gross," she whimpered then slowly stood to her feet to brushed her teeth, she put a generous amount of toothpaste onto her tooth brush knowing the taste of vomit would only continue to make her sick. The sun had just risen, bright and early; it would figure she’d wake up this early not because she was rested but because something had poisoned her body – how unfortunate Seeing as she didn’t even have to be at work for another three hours, she could have slept peacefully but of course her lack of immune system had finally caught up to her. Taking a deep breath she walked over to her bed cell phone off the night stand to call the clinic so she could make an appointment, the guys teased her a lot but she didn’t have a tolerance for throwing up – she was only going to get meds for that then she’d be fine.

"Good morning this is Huntington Beach Clinic, how can I help you?" a woman asked with a pleasant tone, it was quiet in the background. Considering it was still early she was sure they weren’t near busy yet, that wouldn’t come till around noon so she was hoping they could get her in before then.

"I need to come in, I think I might have bug or something." she spoke gently as she pulled the pillow under her head.

"What is your name and date of birth?" the woman spoke again and she sighed.

"Hanna Phillips, and my birthdate is zero, eight, thirty-one, nineteen eighty-six." Hanna could hear the woman typing in the background inputting all the information into the computer.

“Have you traveled outside of the united states in the last year?” she asked.

“Nope,” Hanna said popping the ‘p’ at the end of it.

"Alright, our earliest appointment is at eight this morning, is that good for you sweetheart?" The woman asked.

"That is perfect," Hanna said, "thank you so much."

She hung up and pulled the covers around her body sighing. "I. Feel. Like. Shit." she muttered to herself as she looked at the clock, it was still not even seven in the morning yet. Hanna groaned in protest knowing she should get ready and try to eat something before she left for her appointment but the urge to just lay in bed till she had to rush out of the house was way too appealing. Subway sounded pretty appetizing at the moment; however she knew such a heavy meal might not be good for her if she had a stomach virus. Slowly climbing out of bed, against her own desires, and walking over to the dresser she pulled on her yoga pants. She decided to just wear the shirt she’d worn to bed, then grabbed a hair tie to pull her hair out of her face. Hanna was in no mood for make up, so she pulled on some socks and tennis shoes before heading down stairs to make herself some dry toast to help settle her stomach.

Hanna looked at her cellphone and texted Jimmy, he always knew how to make her feel better even if she didn’t want to - it was like a magical power but she also knew he’d be more than willing to take care of her.

To: Jimmy
“Not going to work today – I’m sick :c “

She sighed as she hit the green send button, if anything they'd grown closer since the night they'd slept together. He was always around these days, deep inside she knew it was because the guys weren’t working on a new album so he had a lot of time to himself. It gave her something to be happy about and look forward to when she thought of him.

From:Jimmy
“Do you want me to make you some soup?
Did you make an apt?”

She giggled a little as she looked at her phone as the toast popped up; she grabbed it and began to eat it. Sighing, she felt her stomach gurgle.

To: Jimmy
“Yep, I’m leaving for it soon – I want to beat traffic –
soup would be great actually,”

She hit send then sat down eating her toast slowly not wanting to throw up again, she really hoped it was nothing serious. Knowing what traffic was like in the morning she figured she better head out now, better to beat the school buses and parents dropping the kids off than to be stuck behind a bus for six blocks with no sign of being able to pass it. Hanna grabbed her purse making sure her keys were in it before she walked out the door.

She was nervous about driving while feeling this sick, all she needed was to projectile vomit all over her car – she was positive the detailing place would tell her no amount of money would get them to clean that mess. However, bothering someone to take her to the doctor didn’t’ see practical especially when she was already out the door. The traffic was just as bad as she had expected, and he stomach began to make the noises that could only mean one thing. She took a deep breath then shook the feeling off before speeding past a couple cars.

"Fucking hell." she groaned when she finally got off the highway and drove into the clinic parking lot, it was actually quite packed – the only thing she could hope for was for it to go quickly. Hanna parked the car and opened her door throwing up the second the door was open, she groaned – her body was quivering from how violent the gagging had been, it was like her body was trying to force her stomach out of her throat.

“Ma’am? Do you need help?” a nurse asked as she walked outside – she had a bucket in hand paired with a concerned smile.

“Yes please,” she said to her lightly as she felt her body pale.

“Alright, let’s get you inside then,” the nurse said as she held Hanna’s purse for her.

“Thank you, “Hanna whispered gratefully – maybe she should have asked someone to come with her, this was a lot more work than she was anticipating

"No problem honey, what’s your name?" she asked as she walked her to the front desk.

"Hanna Phillips, my appointment is at eight." she said to her, surprisingly enough they took her to the back immediately to get her vitals checked. Everything turned up normal except her blood pressure which was a little higher than they wanted but chalked it off to her being sick and stressed about the situation.

Hanna was led into the back where the exam room was, she was told to sit either in the chair or on the exam table. She sat in the chair due to it being closer to the floor and she couldn’t help but feel dizzy at the thought of being up high while feeling like she was. The door opened startling her, but the doctor gave her a small smile.

“So I hear you are vomiting and just not feeling good – when did this start?” he asked as he sat down on the doctors chair.

“This morning – it woke me up,” she said to him as she closed her eyes.

“Alright , well everything else but your blood pressure is normal so it’s probably just a bug but we want to run a couple blood tests to make sure you don’t need fluids,” he said to her as he filled out some notes on her clipboard.

“When was your last period?” he asked as he looked up.

“Oh,” she said as she thought about it, “I’m irregular but I know I bled this month – wasn’t near as bad as usual but I did,”

The doctor nodded, “Well we’re going to make sure you’re not pregnant with the blood test as well,” he smiled a little ,”That’s pretty common with pregnancies – do you have any kids?”

“Nope, none yet,” she said to him as she took a deep breath.

“Alright, So, can you just lie back on the exam table so I can feel your stomach." he said to her – Hanna had to hold back the urge to whine as she stood up. When she sat on the table and laid back she didn’t feel as bad in this position she decided to relax a bit.

"Let me know if it hurts. “He said to her and she nodded closing her eyes, the pressure of his hands on her stomach wasn’t uncomfortable but it’d have been better if it didn’t feel as if they were made of ice. Hanna could tell he noticed when he skin jumped at the contact – which made her smile a little

"Sorry, they keep it so cold here." he murmured and licked over his lips.

“Well, we’re going to have the nurse come in and take your blood then it shouldn’t be too long,” he told her smiling as he left the room to go order the blood work.

Pregnancy was the last thing on Hanna’s mind but this doctor seemed pretty adamant about it – what if she was pregnant? Her entire life would be completely flopped – but then she thought about Jimmy… he’d be the father, and he’d be an amazing one at that. She didn’t know how her family would take, but she felt guilty for hoping she’d be pregnant with his baby.

"Hi, my name is Margret, and you look really nervous." she smiled as she wrapped the rubber tie around her arm to get a better visual on her vein. Hanna laughed at how obvious it was that she was more then nervous, taking a deep breath she ignored the needle poking into her skin.

"There, all done, I give it ten minutes tops." she said to her as she walked out, heading to the lab.

Hanna was scared; she looked at the ceiling as she licked over her lips in fear. Never having been scared this much she didn't know what to do, she couldn't call Jimmy because he would be the father, and if she told any of the guys they'd tell him immediately about her possibly pregnancy. Hanna was close to tears at this point, the anxiety of knowing and the stress of having to possibly ruin her friend ship of nearly fifteen years scared her.

The doctor walked in much sooner than she had anticipated, “You are in fact pregnant." he said handing her a copy of the results, she gulped nervously and pushed a hand through her hair.

"You do have options, Hanna, you don't have to do this is you're not ready." he told her honestly, and she was thankful he said it. However, the thought of giving her baby away or terminating the pregnancy made her sick inside.

"No, I'll figure it out." she murmured.

"It might seem rude, but do you know who the father is?" he asked watching the shy girl as she stared at the results.

"Yeah, it's my best friend. I'd rather it be him then someone else though," she murmured and he nodded a little as he wrote her a prescription for the morning sickness.

"Take this once a day with breakfast; it will ease the morning sickness. Make sure you go buy prenatal vitamins, herbal are the best kind. Most reliable but one-a-day also has some you can take which also have a good reputation." he said to her, "Try and stay away from fresh sea food, It has mercury in it and it's bad for the baby. Do you have any questions?"

"When will I find out my due date?" she asked him softly as she looked at him.

"At your first appointment, I can help you find a reputable doctor if you'd like?" he said to her and she nodded a little still stunned at the results she was holding in her hand.

"I'd love that," she told him softly, considering none of Hanna’s friends had kids this was a great way to find a good doctor. The doctor gave her a smile as he handed her the paper with a number on it – he seemed confident.

"My wife had this doctor and she adored him, he delivered all three of our sons. If you have any questions don't hesitate to call me, I'll do what I can to help." he spoke, and it was such a reassuring tone that she believe that everything was going to be okay.

Notes